September 8, 1991.
I got dressed up this time.
I didn't want to. I hate formal wear, but... I knew I should.
I wore ugly black slacks, an ugly black button-up, and since I knew Amanda would want me to, I wore I black flannel designed coat.
And I brushed my hair a bit. I used one of Amanda's brushes, which was bright purple. All of Amanda's stuff became mine.
I kept her things in the spare bedroom that will soon be Delilah's room. Delilah slept with me, because well, I get very lonely. I loved my daughter.
Delilah had very dark brown hair like me. Amanda's natural hair was a lot lighter than mine. But Delilah's baby grey eyes would soon hopefully be brown like Amanda's, too.
I dressed Delilah up the best I could, putting her in tiny black dress. I always kept the bow in her hair.
I wore Amanda's locket every day around my neck, and I was excited to give it to Delilah someday.
I looked at it sometimes. It hurt.
A lot.
The poloroid picture Stone took. I was holding her. So close, and we were smiling. So bright. So happy. So in love. And then the picture of us performing... I took it out. I put it in a crest full of my valuables. I then replaced it with a picture of Delilah, so the locket was just our precious, scrawny, energetic, crazy, but loving little family.
I fed Delilah, changed her diaper, and we were off.
We drove to the funeral on a rare sunny day. Delilah opened her eyes a bit, and I could see the bright color.
They were blue. She had my eyes, my hair.
Fuuuuuccck.
Poor girl, starting to look like her dad.
I turned on the radio but nothing interested me. So I put in Crescent Sun's Murder. It was strange that Amanda's death was murder. And I cringed at the thought.
The first track was Loathe. Loathe was about her virginity loss story. She was used by a prick older than her, only for sex.
It was an angry, passionate song.
And the next was Tooth, about her older brother, Silas.
And then came School, which basically trashes the education system.
And then Poem, a love story type song.
Island, one about her mental illnesses,
Clara, one about a bitch who gave her hell throughout the years,
Beads, River, Reek, Heart, Clothing. All the songs on her album were phenomenal.
It killed me to hear her punky, high, orgasmic voice.
And then when I thought the album was over, a song called Eddie began to play. An acoustic guitar played an intricate introduction, and then she sang.
He's a devil in black,
Troublemaker, troublemaker
He's an angel much too fast.
Much too fast, much too fast.
He's a force in motion,
A angry heart, angry heart.
Eddie, if you hear my painful voice
Smile for me, I love your smile
Eddie, if you need comfort
I'm here, and I love you
Eddie, if you feel empty,
I'll be there, I'll be there.
I was naive and beaten
By this broken dream
I was reckless and anxious
From this cruel mind
Of mine
Eddie, if you want lips to kiss
Kiss me, kiss me with love
Eddie, if you're all alone,
Know that my heart is in your hands
Eddie, if your eyes become tired,
Sleep with me, in my lungs
If I could express,
What you've done for me
I'd cry, like the rest
I'll love you,
When you hate me
I'll care for you,
Even when I'm gone
Eddie, if you feel like the world hates you
Know that I could never
Eddie, if they dare chase you
I'll protect you, like you did me
Eddie, if you ever feel unloved
Know that you're my everything, my heart, my soul,
I'll love you forever.
And then the song ended, with her normal nice voice saying,
"I love you, Eddie."
And I pulled over next to a park and I cried. I cried. So much. I was so in shock, but so happy that she wrote a song about me.
And Delilah cried with me.
We cried for what felt like forever.
