No. No. No. No. No. No.
No.
I can't be pregnant. I have to cancel the tour. That's letting tons of fans down. Am I even ready to be a mother? I'm only 25, Eddie 27...I mean that's a good time, I guess.
But fuck, this is strange. I couldn't even process it. A baby. Eddie's baby. My baby. It was surreal.
"Does Eddie know?" I asked the doctor.
"Not yet. We leave it to the mothers to tell the fathers."
I sighed.
"Congratulations, miss," he smiled.
We've had sex only a couple times...
"Thanks."
I wanted to cry. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. For hours. I wanted Eddie's arms around me. Comforting me. I wanted to feel safe again.
The rest of the day was slow. They didn't let me get up, they fed everything to me, and I had to piss in a bowl thing.
I couldn't sleep that night. Not without Eddie. I felt my stomach a couple times, just wondering what's gonna happen to me.
Wait, Eddie was released today... But when? Everything seemed distorted, time made no sense. I woke up in the hospital bed morning, Eddie and the rest were supposedly released.
They probably went to sleep instead of being released.
So I asked the doctor. And he told me that yes, they wanted rest.
So later today they were released.
Eddie came rushing in to see me, a huge smile on his face.
"Oh, God, I love you, you're okay,"
"I love you too, Eddie."
He kissed me tenderly. But my mind was somewhere else.
What if he wanted to abort the child?
What if he leaves me?
"When can she leave?" Eddie demanded.
"She has recovered quicker than we expected. Maybe tonight."
"Okay, can I stay with her?" Eddie asked the doctor. Dr. Thistle.
"Yes, and so can your friends."
"Thank you," Eddie said gracefully.
The boys that were released with Eddie were Stone, Mike, Donny, Jordan, Heath, and Dave. But Jeff experienced similar injuries. Me and him had it the worst.
"God. I can't believe that happened," Mike said quietly.
The boys were all pretty quiet.
Did they know?
God I fucking hope not.
Eddie stayed with me until Jeff and I were released. The bus bad minor damages, luckily. And we also said goodbye to our friend, Rusty.
I wanted to get back on the road as soon as possible but didn't know how to tell Eddie.
The things in our bus were all fine, we still had our belongings. And our bunks were easy fixes.
We got a new driver, named Donna. Donna was maybe 40ish looking. She was a bigger lady, and extremely kind. But I feel like we'd always miss Rusty.
We had to cancel two shows and needed to be in Dallas, Texas by tommorow.
Eddie and I both just went to our bunk and fell asleep, completely exhausted. But I could only sleep for so long. I lied there, thinking about how I would tell Eddie.
Tell him that I was pregnant with our child. I thought it was beautiful. I wanted the child. I wanted a future with Eddie. But I didn't know if he felt the same way.
And then he woke up to go the the bathroom, so I pretended I was asleep. I thought about it for what felt like forever and decided to tell him.
So when he got back, I acted like him getting up was the reason I woke up.
"Eddie, I need to tell you something,"
He sat down upright on the bed, a nervous look in his eyes.
"Yeah?"
I swallowed my nerves and said,
"Umm...I'm, uh, I'm-" God, this was hard.
"Violet, you can tell me anything,"
"I'm pregnant," I said softly.
Eddie looked at me, shocked. And then he started to cry.
"Aww, Eddie, please don't cry, it's okay,"
And then he looked at me, smiling.
"No, Amanda. This is amazing. I love you and I'm so fucking thrilled to be able to raise a child with you. Another asshole Vedder."
I felt instant relief. This was perfect. Eddie will stay in my life now. No matter what. Apart of him will always be with me.
So we just cried together, happy, excited, nervous.
"How do we tell the others?" I asked.
"I don't know. Let's just keep it between us. We don't need anymore media problems."
And so we cried some more and fell back asleep.
Peacefully.
