I arrived to the funeral with Delilah around 12:30.
Amanda's family was there, including close friends.
Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, Courtney Love, Chris Cornell, Jack Irons, Layne Staley, Pearl Jam, & former Crescent Sun members all showed up.
"Awww, my god, she's a beauty, can I hold her?" Courtney said to me.
"Of course," I smiled, handing Delilah to her.
"Aww, you look just like your daddy," she told Delilah softly.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked.
"No. I have to be strong, for Delilah, but he's hard as fuck. I've never felt so heartbroken in my entire life."
"I know it's hard, man. You're a good dad." Kurt smiled. His stringy blonde hair cut at his shoulders, his crooked smile, raggedy clothes... He could comfort anyone. He was such s caring dude.
"Thank you." I sighed.
Courtney passed Delilah to Kurt, who said, "Eddie, she looks a lot like you."
"Yeah. Poor girl." I laughed.
Layne, Chris, Pearl Jam and the rest of us grungers, all came to see Delilah.
"Oh, she's a beautiful girl," Layne said in his hoarse, quiet voice.
Dave and Krist both took her, too. They looked at her in awe.
My close friend Chris had his turn, saying,
"Yeah, the girl will be scrawny and a ball of anger like her dad,"
My best friend, Jack, saw me and embraced me.
"I love you, man. I'm so sorry about what's happened."
"I love you, too."
One by one my friends held my baby. These destructive, raggedy, drugged grungers were more sensitive than people would think.
Amanda's family admired her, too.
And the ceremony began, and they let me speak last. I'll never know why. And I took Delilah up there with me.
"Amanda. My Amanda. See, her band, Crescent Sun interested me when I discovered them last year. I loved her fire. Her energy. And so I wanted to meet this girl. Also known as Violet. And so we got them to open up for us, and I fell for her. Like a fool. A fool in love, and never did I expect she'd feel the same way. She's beautiful, and we'll I'm... Not."
That got some laughs.
"...I barely ever brush my hair, I'm messy, destructive, opinionated. And she's just stunning, she will always be so perfect to me. The time we spent together is my most valuable, treasured memories. We even have a baby now. Delilah Violet Vedder. Amanda wanted to badly to care for her daughter, but when she lied there, dying..."
I began to cry again.
"...she told me to take good care of our baby. I have always believed in love but never thought I'd experience such euphoria. Why me, a stupid kid from Illinois? I'm nothing special but she thought I was. And even though I'm not necessarily religious, I believe I'll see her again. Without a doubt. Love like this, the love we shared... That's the kind of love everyone should aspire to experience. It's a surreal form of love. And even though Amanda and I haven't known each for as long as we maybe should've, I fell so helplessly in love with her. Her soul. Her heart. Her passion. And I live on, in this empty world, though its hard. I'm not really good at talking, but, I'm trying here. I can't express how much I miss her, how much I love her. I never will. And that's how its going to be. I am the only person in the world that will ever know how much I loved her. And my heart can explain. It beats every single day for her. I have loved and will always love her.
Amanda, I love you, baby."
And then I couldn't help but sob. I left the podium and sat back down next to Jack, Kurt, and Courtney.
More people spoke but I didn't pay much attention. And after we got one last glimpse of her body.
She wore a violet dress, her hair curled and laid out along a silk pillow. She held flowers in her hands. Marigolds. She looked so beautiful, her lifeless body pale and cold.
I probably wasn't supposed to, but I kissed her lips. Gently. Softly. A tear rolled of my girly cheeks and fell on her neck. I held her hand once more, and then I walked away.
The pastor guy said a prayer and they lifted her coffin into the grave and buried her. Upon her tombstone read,
Amanda Rae Lowe
August 27, 1966-August 27, 1991
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one.
I placed flowers on the Earth in front of the tombstone.
I kissed Delilah's head and cried.
I said goodbye to my friends before I drove home.
