Gray Skies

What you don't know won't hurt you

Chapter 5

What you don’t know won’t hurt you

You want to cut off from anyone and at the time it seems like the best of ideas. Cut off from your old life...start new, new friends, new phone number, new msn address, new everything.

Maybe if I leave everything else behind, my problems would automatically go away

There are usually a handful of people who can get you out of this. One being the problem causer (depending on what the problem is), others being family and maybe a very close friend who knows most about your life or even someone that you maybe able to help because you feel that by helping them you can prove to yourself that you are not a bad person, and what’s happened to you is not your fault. If you can’t help yourself, why not try sorting someone else’s. Someone helpless, desperate, who would settle for whatever you can give them.

I wonder if that’s why people travel on so called selfless trips to third world countries like Africa to help the poor. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of wealthy person doing something like that for “charity” nothing is selfless, everyone is in for something. They are all selfish.

The reasons behind the not picking up and locking yourself in your own four walls are numerous, not all explainable yet making perfect sense to the effected.

It may be because the person calling is too much of a happy person for you to be dealing with or exactly the opposite. How do you deal with someone laughing down the phone, perfectly normal, and if you are miserable at the time, how do you force yourself to be fake? Once again, trying hard to avoid facing the question “are you alright?”  because you simply don’t have the patience, mental and emotional endurance or the faintest idea how to answer it.

It may be because it’s just easier to not pickup, avoid the questions, not let this person know that you are feelings sh1t, indirectly or through misconception, ask for their pity.

People talk, they love gossip, and as clear as their intentions may be, attention is my Kryptonite. It seems like a paradox, how do I not talk to this person, but still lie and let them know I’m ok to avoid attention? If I don’t pick up, they’ll think something’s wrong, if I do, they’ll know something’s wrong. You make a decision, and you stick to it. Maybe you can get one thing right in your life. As time follows, you realise not all went to plan.

Most of the time you just want to talk to your family, who don’t always know something is wrong and are not always pushy to find out unless it’s really bad, or maybe because they might know the whole story anyway which makes it easier for you. There is less explaining to do “wait let me get this clear, so you mean…have you tried doing this. Personally I think you should” are all eliminated from the pointless banter you could engage in with someone who has no idea about what the proposed problem is. The reasons for hiding and avoiding calls stack up on top of each other, towering over you.

Where do you start? Life can be so unfair and throw circumstances at you which get tangled up to a point where starting from scratch seems the only option.

What you can’t shake off is your family, but then again, they were there from the start so it doesn’t matter. I use to talk a lot to my brother, but for a long while I haven’t, I’ve almost lost family values. I can’t remember the last time I involved any of them in my life or told any of them if I loved them.

Untangling what you have is too much, like those annoying long wires extending from your earphones creating a mesh you just can’t straighten out, the only option is to buy a new pair, unless you want to use your mouth as a case to hold your brand new Mp3 player because that’s how far the wire stretches now.

Taking one thing at a time might not seem feasible. For one, your issue might be interlinked with the rest, again, where do you start? What do you deal with first? Maybe your issue isn’t something that’s actually in your hands. What you are dealing with may not have an immediate short term solution.