Gray Skies

Somebody call an ambulance

Chapter 6

“Somebody call an ambulance”

The room seems darker, but that’s because my screen savers just kicked in, a 3D design of the date and time summersaults on my PC screen in metallic red dissolving into blue projecting its dull colour on the walls of my room as if a miniature ambulance had turned up to rescue me.

I lay up most nights, thinking about her. How beautiful she is, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Good average height, slim, silky long hair down to her shoulder blades, a lighter shade of black, the kind which bounces the suns rays off it imitating the affair the moon has with a lake reflecting light off its surface, clear fair skin, her rosy lips perfectly shaped holding the most beautiful smile, her voice put me to deep sleep every night. The way things were, I’d wake up to her voice because she’d give me a wake up call every morning. The best start of the day anyone could wish for, at work I’d call her every few minutes and she’s the last one I say good night to, no doubt I’d meet her in my dreams each time. I was in love, still am, not a moment goes that she’s not in my thoughts. I use to laugh when people said that. I guess what goes around comes around. She was perfect, the only one I’ve ever really loved. Sure I’ve said it before, but only now I realise how much I meant it. My only regret is that I never said it enough.

Songs started to make sense to me, she made me want to be a better person. I suppose she’s everything I’m not, like my other half which made me a whole.

I could go on and on about her, recite her praises like a salesman for double glazed windows. I’ve never needed anyone so much before, sometimes I regret how deep I fell in love, why did I give her the power to control my emotions? How could I submit myself like that? but the happy memories I’ve built with her over the past year put the regrets in a sleep hold

”7, 8, 9 ... it’s over” the referee slams his hand on the canvas, before blowing the whistle and throwing his arms in the air stopping the fight.

We were so happy, both virgins of love, I knew that because I never realised what love was till I met her, and she told me the same about herself.

“I can’t believe you’ve done this to me” she said in the middle of a conversation.

“What? What have I done?”

“Nothing, never mind”

“What? Tell me, is it bad?”

“I’ve fallen for you…and I keep falling deeper, I’ve never let anyone get this close to me, I’ve always had my guard up… and now I cant stop saying or feeling it. I love you”

What I wouldn’t give to hear those words again. I loved moving the front of her hair away from her eyes and behind her ear, so I could see all of her face, still bits where I haven’t kissed her, if I try really hard I can remember the taste of her mouth, the smell of her skin, her warm breath on my lips and the touch of her fingers writing her name on my naked back marking her territory. It’s only when I met her that I believed anyone can be that beautiful, sweet, loving, caring, like an angel, my angel… my puppeteer, the medicine for my pain.

I light a cigarette to try and forget about her, but the cruel smoke draws a portrait of her.

There is no escaping is there? I just can’t get her out of my head. Why do I even try? I miss falling in love with her everyday

“Even though I know this is right

I can't stop dreaming about you at night

With or without you, it's still a fight every night

I didn't know the way your heart could grow so cold” Karla Bonoff’s croon tune in the background, it’s like she was singing for me and me alone. She always helps me fall asleep.

“I hope these pills do what it says on the packet”