Betrayal

Chapter 33

Warren

I'm used to this. The slow beeping. The smell of disinfectant. The dim lights. The cool air.

But it's different. This isn't work. It's my son. He's lying in the bed. Not a patient of mine, someone I've performed surgery on, coming in to check on them, talk to them, ask them how they're feeling.

I rest my hand on his. It's difficult to look at him for too long. I hardly recognize him. His face is swollen. There's a breathing tube in his mouth. He's in a coma. They were able to stop the bleeding in his brain. But when he wasn't breathing, he suffered anoxia. I saw the X-rays of his brain. He's likely going to have to relearn how to talk, walk, and do even the most simplest things.

I squeeze the bridge of my nose as I begin to cry again. He's a football player, extremely smart, well spoken, and now he's going to have to start all over again. He won't be the same ever again. I try to think that he's lucky. Alexander is dead. He was killed on impact.

But he's going to have a long, hard recovery ahead of him. I've never felt anything like this before. It's a pain like nothing else seeing your child this way. Helpless and hurt and you can't do anything to fix it. I'd take it all away if I could. And the pain Rebecca has been in...

I look over at her. She's asleep in the chair next to me with her head resting on my shoulder. I kiss her hair and nuzzle my face into her, sigh, and shudder.

My guilt has been eating away at me. For what I did to him and for what I'm doing to her now. She's looking to me for comfort now and I'm giving it to her, but knowing what I've done is making it hard. I can't imagine what she would feel if she knew. She'd be heartbroken and it would be all my fault. I've betrayed her in such a horrible, awful way. The one thing I shouldn't have done, been unfaithful, I've done it so many times. I keep wanting to tell her just to get it off my chest. Now isn't the time.

Ali is sitting in the waiting room with Lola. I need to go out so Lola can come in. But I don't want to see Ali. Not right now. Her face will just make me feel worse about myself. I can't look at her. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've gotten in too deep with her. Way too deep. And I can't do it anymore. It's not simple. It's complicated, full of feelings and emotions and jealousy.

I love her more than I thought I would. And it's going to kill me. I'm going to ruin my life if I don't stop. Even the thought of not seeing her anymore, of being with her, talking to her, touching her, or fucking her... it makes me feel sick. I don't know what to do.

The door opens slowly and I expect to see the doctor, but it's my sister. A flutter of emotion hits me in a strange way as I stare at her and wipe my tears away. It's been so long since I've seen her, too long, and I stand. She half smiles at me and I force one back, then start toward her.

We meet in the middle and hug. I do it harder than I mean to, squeezing her tightly, and she does it back. Her hair, which is curly and as wavy as mine, but much longer, tickles my face. She smells of apples and cigarettes. Somehow it feels like a comfort.

"Warren," she whispers. "How are you?"

"Been better, Nicole," I mutter. "You?"

"I'm okay."

When I pull back she touches my face and slaps it gently.

"What's with the black eye?"

"Oh, it's... the boy Dominic was with, his father. He lost it. Thought Dominic was driving. His son was killed."

"Jesus."

"Yeah," I mutter. "Not a very good night."

She looks over at him and sighs, then looks back to me.