Betrayal

Chapter 39

Warren

The smoke dances off of the end of my cigarette. I stare at the cherry. It burns in the dim, early morning light.

I can't sleep. The dream of her is lingering in my mind, burned into my consciousness. I saw her in the park. Instead of leaving, I took her home. I made love to her. I felt happy and sad. I knew I'd dream about her again because I saw her. Every other night I'm given a break from them, but they come every couple days.

She looked so skinny. She's lost weight. Her eyes weren't bright. They were dull and dim. She looked miserable and sad and hurt. I wanted to hold her. Really hold her and feel her and take that pain away. She doesn't deserve it.

I light another cigarette as soon as I've finished my first one. My eyes are heavy. I'm so fucking tired. I feel just as miserable as she looked. It's what I get.

Should I just go and be with her? Say fuck it all and end my marriage, leave, and start a new life with her? I'll be there for my children, I'll always be there for them and take care of them and raise them, but fuck... I'm certain if I went to her apartment right now she would let me in with no questions asked.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I'm not thinking straight. That was ugly today. It felt so wrong to run off on her, but I couldn't let Lola see me. Michael and I talked after. He didn't say much, but I could tell the entire situation bothered him. I know Katherine had to have told him. I nearly broke down and let it all out to him. He couldn't help me, so I didn't.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I look quickly. Rebecca is standing in the doorway. She's been sleeping and looks exhausted. I put my cigarette out and walk to her, nod, and kiss her hair.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep."

We go back inside and up to the bedroom. I take my robe off and she takes hers off and we get in the bed. She lays across my chest. I hold her loosely. We haven't had sex since I couldn't keep my erection. I haven't wanted to. She's tried. It's the longest we've gone since each birth of our children. I just can't. It doesn't feel right. I know it's bothering her, but she hasn't said anything.

I close my eyes, but I don't sleep.

...

"What time are they coming?"

"Should be here soon," Rebecca says. "Perk up."

I grunt in response. Lola didn't come home last night. I checked her room before I laid down, then again when I woke up because I couldn't sleep. My car is here, so I know she must've stopped by, but I'm assuming she went back home with him. Now she's called Rebecca and told her that she and Jackson will be by today.

I'm not a fan of him. I don't know much about him, other than the fact that he's working his way up in the stock world. He's twenty-four. And my daughter is head over heels for him. He's a nice looking young man, he makes good money apparently, and she's happy. I should take it at face value. If she's happy, I'm happy for her. I'm not my father in law.

I don't want her getting distracted. She's supposed to leave for Penn State this coming week. We're taking her to move her into her dorm room. Most of her room is already packed up.

It's a nice day out. Rebecca insisted I grill out, so I've decided on burgers. Wyatt and Ella are already out back running around and playing. Her cast is coming off soon and she's very excited about that. Just in time for school to start, which is tomorrow. It makes me think of Ali. She's starting tomorrow, too. She told me how nervous she was. I told her she would do great.

I continue to patty out to meat and push the thoughts of her away. They arrive shortly after I've finished. I hug her tightly and shake his hand. When I come out to start grilling, he's running around with the kids while Lola and Rebecca watch. They like him, too.