Betrayal

Chapter 41

Warren

I can smell her perfume. Chanel. I bought it for her a long time ago. It's sweet and subtle.

We're sitting on the couch. I'm at one end, she's at the other, and there's a space between us. It's a hard and uncomfortable couch and it's too hot in here.

I'm zoned out and on edge. Ali is heavy on my mind once again. She's pregnant. She's fucking pregnant. It's the last thing I expected to happen. How was I supposed to know my vasectomy had failed? When she showed up, I should've told the receptionist to turn her away. I nearly did, but I just couldn't do that to her. Thinking of how that would make her feel stopped me.

She's carrying my child. Rebecca's done that four times. It was always such a sweet thing that came with pride and love at the fact that she was carrying my children. I think of Ali with a round stomach, her hands resting against it, my baby inside of her. It kills me. She's so young. She has her whole life ahead of her. And I love her so much.

I wish she hadn't told me. But I'm also glad she did.

"Who would like to start today?"

I look up at the therapist, but say nothing. She smiles politely, then looks at Rebecca. I've barely looked at her myself. I feel so guilt ridden and sick. I need to tell her Ali came to see me. I need to tell her we kissed. For the sake of saving my marriage and being honest, she should know. It's clawing at my insides. I hate this fucking feeling.

Rebecca will fucking lose it if she finds out. She'll ask me why I didn't wear a condom. She doesn't know I didn't. It'll disgust her even more. She already looks at me with so much of that. I repulse her, I know I do.

We've made love one time since I told her. She initiated it and cried the entire time. But she held me close to her and kissed me and touched me, so I didn't stop. It was sad and painful.

Now I have to wonder if Rebecca is going to end up pregnant, too. I've got too many fucking kids as it is. Four is more than enough. That's why I got the vasectomy. And this is what happens. It must be my karma.

I'm going to be honest. Even if it kills me, I'll be fucking honest. Otherwise, what is this all for? I could've left or she could've left. We could be filing for divorce right now and figuring out who's getting what and deciding on custody of the kids. I know what would happen. I move out and get an apartment, she keeps the house. I'll get the kids on whatever days I'm not working because all I do is work. She'll get them more than me. I'll support her. She'll get half of everything I have, maybe more because of my infidelity.

"I saw her today."

Rebecca's head turns quickly toward me. A weight comes off of me somewhat, but the pit in my stomach is deep and aching.

"You what?"

I sigh and tighten my fists.

"She came to my office," I mutter. "I didn't ask her to. She just showed up."

She scoffs and smiles bitterly.

"That's it. I'm going to see her. I'm getting her address from Lola and that's it."

I look at her.

"No, you're not. Nothing happened. We didn't... do anything. We just talked."