Tomlinson was the best thing to happen to me (Watty's '13)

Another Life

I've found an apartment. It was originally out of defiance, and now I've walked out for the second time this year. This year is really not going that well for me. Like Ron Weasley, this time around. The second I leave, I want to go back. But I can't. The weather's warmer now, in May. I keep telling myself I need to call Louis and the boys, everyone who was in my old life. Danielle and Hannah, to tell them I'm alright. I don't even know if the girls know about this. But I never get around to it. And my job isn't too bad, I'm working at a café. Not much, but enough to keep me eating alright and being able to rent. And, as far as variety goes, London's not bad. But there's this one Chinese takeaway place that I buy from frequently because it's relatively cheap and tastes good. And it's not very greasy which I like. There's a fruit and vegetable shop near my flat and I get anything else I need from there. And the biggest physical change by far is that I've had my hair cut short. Like, buzzed sides and gang fringe down the middle. I've had my chest strapped down even though it's certainly uncomfortable, and I'm trying to act like an educated young male adult while still having an edgy look. Always helps to look edgy because you don't look like a girl any more.

"James," my boss calls. I also changed my name to James for work. I needed to assume a new male identity if those boys were going to chase after me after all. "I need you to help me out over here, everyone's ordering hot drinks!"

"Right on it!" I brought out some cold milk from the fridge as well and opened the section in the coffeemaker and hot drinks machine holding milk. I poured in the entire bottle, 2 litres of the stuff, the end of the bottle bobbing as my wrist refused to hold it steady. I dropped the empty bottle in the bin at my feet, nursing my sore wrist. It happens every so often and I've never had much trouble from it. I save about £20 a fortnight, adding to my slowly growing savings. And if I really need to save a lot, very quickly, I'll even go without fruit and veg for a month or two, living on takeaway. I'll do that if I actually have to. Or, on the other hand, I might just live on bottles of cold milk from the supermarket for a week, by which time I'll be absolutely sick of it. And some mornings I don't even bother with breakfast. If it means I'm going to have to wake up earlier, chances are, I'm not bothering. Good thing that I'm a block away from the café, otherwise I'd have to either wake up earlier to walk there or take public transport. It's frequent and not terrible, but there's a cost to it. Everything that I can do on foot saves me money.

"Next waiting?" Liam! What bring him over here?

"I'd like a hot chocolate thanks." Duh. It's Liam.

"That's £1.80 thanks." He hands me the exact amount. If there's one thing that working at a cashier does, it's familiarize you with the coins. One glance and you know how many are there, of which coins. "Just wait a sec… and I'll get your hot chocolate. Maddy," I told my boss, "one hot chocolate." Surely she meant this, right? Because it's probably not the best idea to handle ingredients after handling money. Well, at least that’s what my parents were always reminding my brothers. And I don't think Liam recognised me!

"Yep, ok."

"Next waiting?"

"One mocha thanks."

"Mocha," I told Maddy.

"Got it! Hot chocolate's done!"

"I'll take it out. I know where he's sitting." I took the beverage to Liam. He's on the phone.

"I'm hardly ten minutes' walk from Dani's." Well that explains a lot.

"Here's your hot chocolate." I remembered to not know him.

"Thanks."

"No prob."

I took the walk home exhausted. Someone's behind me. I swear. I turn around, and there's no one I can see suspicious. I force myself to speed up.  Turning a corner, there's no one around, so if there's anyone following me I'll be able to find them. I waited a few steps around the corner. And surely enough, Niall sauntered past. I don't know exactly how far away it is from where they are, but certainly far enough by walking that they would not simply randomly turn up in this part of town and saunter past. Liam's been mucking around again.

I dragged myself up the flight of stairs to my flat. Fishing out my key to the door, I tiredly stumbled in. And then I decided to check my phone. 10 new messages, the screen read. I tapped the screen and a message popped up. Sorry about the other day, tommo. Yeah alright whatever. Next message. Nialls not eatingg mannnn he doesntt do thisss. Lol what? Niall wants to find u i said hes silly he said don’t care bad boi. Cryptic much? ANNABELLE nialls doing stupid things and wont listen barry. Don't know anyone by the name but I'm guessing it's Harry. Exit from the message, and I find they're all from the same 5 numbers. The fifth and final one is one that I find on Lou's phone frequently. He's told Hannah about it. Hey if u dont go bac i herd nialls not eatin! Yeah, would I go back after what's happened? I break it off with Niall and get in a pretty bad argument with Lou. Not something nice to go back to. He's not going to not eat, I tell myself. He's not one to do that. And most certainly after what he's just been through, he'd probably be sleeping. It's what I would do. Sleep it out.

I need to sleep as well. Think things over. All this with Niall involved is giving me a headache. I pick up the phone in my hand. I want to call him. Talk to him, even over the phone. Ask if he's alright. Get him to tell the guys that I'm alright. My phone buzzed in my hand. A new message. The boys are worried about u, esp lou dani. I'll reply to her. Im alright the boys alright? I dropped the phone next to me, drifting to sleep.

I wake up to my stomach growling. Still, gotta check my phone first. Goodness! 60 messages! I look at who sent them. All from the boys. From Lou, then Zayn, Liam, Niall. And the last one's from Harry. I reply to Louis. Dont worry about me im fine. To Liam, I say U dont know wat i look like or do u? Just to keep him guessing. I want to talk to u but im scared thingsll happen niall. I still didn't know what to say to Zayn and Harry. And because I don't, I won't reply at all to either of them. I sit up abruptly, and my head starts to throb. And I lie back down. I didn't wake up until the next morning.

I've got a pretty bad headache. I'm just gonna text to Maddy that I won't be going to work. Hey sorry but i wont be coming today, got a headache. I lay in bed, thinking that I needed to get myself a decent meal and more sleep. That should work. If I still feel bad by tomorrow, I'll find myself a doctor, preferably an acupuncturist because they always know what to do. Living alone, sick, is one of the worst things you could get me to do. Like, actual, legit, sick. I haven't been eating decent food these days, it's mostly takeaway in the form of that Three Treasures rice deal. It's become a staple in my life.

I finally actually get up at 4:30 in the afternoon. I've got a small supply of rice grain, I'll put a little of that in more water than usual and make congee of that. I'm going to keep it simple even though that also means tasteless. I can't be bothered to take the trip down to the takeaway anyway.

I text Maddy again. Hey, think i might be able to come back tomorrow, feeling alright. She came back with a quick reply. Awesome, cu tomoz. After staring at my phone hoping for a message from Louis or the boys, even. But I didn't receive a message from any of the boys, and decided to go to bed at 9.