Tomlinson was the best thing to happen to me (Watty's '13)

Back to old times... and not quite

Tuesday, 24th January, 2012

It's their Dublin concert tonight. Niall is still single as a Pringle. I like that phrase. Single as a Pringle. Harry's suddenly taken up the notion of faking it (or so I believe and hope) with me. He's constantly slinging an arm around me whenever Niall sees. But when we're alone, or when Niall turns his back on us, he'll sometimes give me a wink which, to me, indicates he's only faking it. He knows I don't like him like that, in fact, everyone knows that, and from the looks of things, he doesn't like me like that either. I take one glance at the crowd and decide it's no place for someone like me.

I always wonder what sort of music will be playing on the radios in 30 years' time. Are they going to ever play any One Direction songs? That would be pretty cool, meaning my friend would still be on the radio. Maybe One Direction will be history in a few years' time. Someone might take a solo career and that could rip the band apart.

Niall is still being weird. Everyone knows about me leaving now, Zayn and Harry as well. Harry even gives me a spontaneous hug but Zayn being Zayn, like me, doesn't give a reaction. Just a nod. I spend even more time conjoined with Harry at the hip. Where you find Harry, you will most likely find me. Unless he's in his hotel room, in which case he quickly peels me off himself and doesn't reappear unless as requested.

Zayn approaches me in a way that concerns me. He sat me down, then began rambling about taking it easy and not messing with Niall's heart. Must be doing that at the moment, then. I'm only going to university for 3 years, and later, music therapy. The point is that I leave him alone and don't mess him up. That was the point of this in the first place. Apparently Zayn doesn't see it. But he does see something: he's seeing red. He gets protective of Niall. Good thing too, he'd be long gone if someone didn't make sure he didn't get bashed up or messed by the girls out there. I've already done enough damage anyway.

Wednesday, 25th January, 2012

We didn't end up going to Mullingar at all. Well, Niall went alone, spent the night there, leaving me with a room to myself. Even for one night.  It was just under an hour's drive between Dublin and Mullingar, where I'd been when we had a family trip to Ireland for no reason, but because Niall's playing the blank out game, he didn't offer, and I didn't ask. There wasn't going to be much point in going along and then be really awkward and nothing's really happening.

Hey come on, don't blame me, he's the one shutting me out! The argument is that it's my fault he's ignoring me. My case against this accusation is that I still try to talk to him but he ignores me or walks in the other direction when I approach him.

It's a running argument that I'm trying to counter with logic, but Zayn… I can't counter his logic. I want to close the bloody case. Pack up the argument and forget about it.

Thursday, 26th January, 2012

We've gone approximately 48 hours without talking. Otherwise, relations between the six of us are quite normal. Every time we come face to face, I'm about to open my mouth to say something, but he turns away before I can get a sound out. I look to Louis for help, Zayn to say something, Liam to speak sense. Nothing happens. Louis and Liam merely offer me looks of helplessness. They don't think they can help me either. I've texted Eleanor and Dani just to get another person's advice. Dani simply came back with a 'what the heck?' while Eleanor… she came back with a mother of all text messages giving me options. So apparently she knows that I'm going to Manchester this September and my plans to take time away from the band to prepare for it: earning money and finalising everything.

Friday, 4th May, 2012

My phone buzzed. You won't believe who it is and what the text said. A simple demand from Niall. Send me a pic, need to c ur alright. So much for caring. Last time I saw you, we didn't talk. You didn't even attempt to make eye contact with me. Why should I? I deleted the text and took a nap.