Treehouse

Felicia

I am never lost for words, but now is just about the right time. I just did a total ADHD hug, and now I pretty much stuck in it. Both Lucas and I are nervous, I feel just a trapped as the time I thought everyone was mad at me. I feel my beaming smile subdue into a mushy mess of self-consciousness. What if this is wrong? What if all of this never should've happened? Lucas doesn't move. Do I smell funny? Do I hug weird? What's the matter?

Lucas is too stunned to react at all, actually, his mouth kind of open and eyes wide. Have I put a bandaid on the wound or driven the poison deeper?

I begin to pull away a bit but Lucas wraps his arm around my shoulder. He laughs. "I never said yes, but we can try."

He uses his older brother voice, which is comforting. I feel safe. I feel like I'm being taught, like I'm innocent, instructed, nothing bad can happen.

I drink in the fact that I'm no longer that, and that I got something to be.

"Lucas?" I ask. "It's all gonna be ok?"

Lucas nods, he feels it too. Its so much like the darkest, or dimmest, part of my mind. All my fears and secrets I've told him; they have so much power here. I feel so rooted.

There are seconds of silence.

"You wanna play cards or something?" The suggestion makes all the tension melt away, and for a moment I am relieved, but something doesn't feel right.

I shake my head. "I have to go."

I get up and reach for my tennis ball, my hands have become sticks of butter, frozen and thawing at the same time. I manage to grab my purse, grab the leather handle, and zip out quickly. I stuff the tennis ball into my purse and grab the rope at the door. I strut for the zip line as if the tree house is about to topple. I grab the cords and swing down, I dump the rope in a snake like heap and walk off.

I stop by a tree, two things are for sure, I am emotional and I was way more confident than I should have been. I look back at the tree house, I totally overreacted.

Oh gosh, Lucas. Oh no, I messed up bad. I just walked out. He was comforting me, but it's too close. The bullets only grazed my skin, but I'm a scared rabbit most of the time. I just hugged my best friend, that's normal right, but he is a guy and we are getting rocky. Do I like him? I used to, but I don't know. And what was his whole "secret" about? Luke has never been good with words, but I know somewhere in there was the truth. They think I'm a 10?! He really said that?! Sometimes his group-I mean, his gang was so confusing!

And then there was the whole Maya thing. I mean for some reason, I just really HATED her. I can't quite explain it, but...there was just something off. She'd done something to Luke.

I throw the tennis ball on the ground as hard as I can, the dry weeds around it make a hollow rustling sound.