all the love // H.S au (university series)

dad

"So... you guys made out!" Helena, one of my closest friends, nearly shouted over the phone in my ear.

"Yes, but can I be completely honest with you?" I asked, pacing the balcony of my apartment.

"Always" She urged.

"Well, he's adorable in every sense of the word and I do not regret kissing him, but maybe it was a little too fast, you know? I mean, I had literally only met him a few days ago. And you know how apprehensive I am with guys." I said, truth leaking from my tongue.

"Yes, Belles, I know all too well. But hey, you want some advice?"

"I'll take anything." I pleaded desperately.

"Okay, you like him, right?"

"Everything he's shown me about himself.. yes." I agreed, smiling at the thought of him.

"And you want to keep taking to him?" She asked.

"Yes, of course. Helena, where is this going?"

"You should be honest with him. You know, tell him what you just told me! Communication is key."

I silently groaned inwards. I was never good with communication. You know, the whole putting myself out there thing and telling others what i'm feeling or thinking. To be completely honest, I am a very emotional person. I care for just about every single person I meet. I trust people right off the bat, and it's not something I can help either. It's just who I am. I love people, and I'm aware that i'm a very compassionate person. But most people don't really feel things as intensely as I do, they don't react with emotions, rather with logic. So I learned to keep my emotions bottled up, until I can't take anymore and explode. It's a circle that I cannot break, It's been this way since I was a child. That's why it's really hard for me to speak out and communicate with others, when from such a young age I taught myself to be passive and keep to myself. That's why I was so drawn to books and literature and writing. It was my way of speaking out to the world, even if the only people who read my words were the paper, pen and myself.

"You're right, I should. But you know that's hard for me."

"At least try." Helena begged me.

"I will. Thank you, Helena. You're the bestest." I said, smiling through the phone.

"Oh girl, I know!" She said playfully. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Fer damn sure you will. Bye, Helena."

"Goodbye, Isabelle." She said in a sing song tone. I giggled as I hung up the phone. Irene was out at brunch with some of her friends, and I was left home with not much but simple chores to do. I moved casually over to the ipod station docked by the TV, which played music all throughout the apartment. I clicked on some chill playlist I made months back on my journey from America to the UK.

Bon Iver's calming and reverberant voice filled the chilled halls as I picked up the duster, mind moving to other things as I dusted each bookshelf.

My life in America was much, much different. I was more... outgoing. I had a ton of friends all over the country that I talked to every day. I went to more social events and I quite honestly had a lot more fun. But, living in America also brought a lot of fear. My mother and I moved from state to state during my teen years, fleeing my father. We even spent some time in Hawaii, where I found my undying love for Kona coffee. We only stayed for a month, because my dad tracked us down and was on his way.

The thought of even calling that man my father sickens me. He was nothing but a nightmare to me and my mom. All the nights my mom stayed up, huddled in my bed behind locked doors just so my alcoholic dad wouldn't break in and hit us never went forgotten. We finally found the courage to report him, with enough proof to get him locked up for a long time.

Expect, he really wasn't. He got let out years in advance due to 'good behavior', but in reality the corrupt ass police let him go early if he gave up info on some of his friends who sell cars illegally and gamble on their wives. A disgusting crowd, trust me.

My mother and I were gemstones in the rough; she taught me to think positively even when all I wanted to do was see if the bathtub could stifle my breaths. We ended up splitting ways when my father got out of prison and tracked us down. Our social worker agreed a life abroad would do us both a great deal of good, so she went to Paris and I went to London. She's only a train ride away, but that's a visit I cannot risk. We decided losing communication for a while would be key. Still, she sends letters to the neighbors across the hall who are aware of my situation under a fake name in case my father tracks any of us down.

My dad was a ruthless fucker. The detectives and policemen all lied when they said my mother and I would be protected from him. Every month a social worker emails me to give an update on the whereabouts of him, so protection my ass. That isn't shit. If they could really protect me they wouldn't have to send me to a different country. Hell, if they could really protect me my dad wouldn't be out of prison yet.

I didn't realize how worked up I had gotten over this whole thing until tears welted in my eyes and I was furiously dusting, anger and frustration coursing through me. I plopped down on the nearest chair and silently cried. A tear fell down from my cheek and i didn't do anything conceal it. I cried cause I miss my mother. I cried cause I hate my father and what he's done to our family. I cried because I feel like a burden in my aunts life. I cried because I've lied more times than I've breathed. I cried because I realized that I've been strong enough to deal with all this shit while I was still figuring out who I am.
But lately, it's been harder to stay strong.

Harry, even though I'd only met him a few days ago, really made me forget about the constant stressors in my life. It was like I actually did get to start over when I'm around him. We discuss literature and food and music and he often tells cheesy jokes. It's easy to relax around him. And there's no way I can let that go, no matter how big my ego is.

As if on queue, my phone buzzed and a text from Harry pops open.

From: Harry 🍌
Last night was wonderful. Let me know when you're free for round two
All the love, H.

All the love. How charming can this dude get, really?
But no, have some self control, Isabelle.

I replied with a quick
"How about round two on Friday, my place. I kinda just wanna lay low & hang out."

Almost instantaneously I got a reply.
From: Harry🍌
"sounds perfect. x"

I couldn't help but smile as I realized how Harry really just made my literal frown turn upside down. I was crying, what, not even 5 minutes ago? And just making plans with Harry put a smile across my lips.

I felt exhaustion take over as my eyelids weighed themselves down as I huddled into the cozy sofa chair, deciding a little nap never hurt anybody. I silently prayed a would dream of Harry.