all the love // H.S au (university series)

mad

Irene was livid with me. Her eyes seemed wild- wilder than I've ever seen them before.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" She shrieked with a thicker British tongue. "IVE BEEN WORRIED SICK ISABELLE." She yelled once more. There was a deafening silence that followed, and to my discomfort, I would've preferred the yelling over silence.

Irene sighed but I knew by her trembling fists that she was still pissed.

"I'm sorry, but now is not the time to be pulling shit like that on me. Your social worker called... they think they found a new lead on your father."

I don't think I knew silence quite like this before.

No, this silence wasn't deafening. It was submerged, hidden and never to be found again. My brain went blank, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't panic, like I know I should be. Maybe this is what a true panic attack feels like, and all those other times my doctor misdiagnosed me. This is something I have never felt before, and to be quite frank I've never felt this unsafe before in my life. It was the type of unsecured that you know you don't even have a chance protecting yourself from.

I hadn't even noticed when my knees gave out and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

--

The next thing I notice is a cup of tea sitting beside me, a pillow beneath my feet and my aunt talking vibrantly on the phone with the colorful vocabulary.

"She's all bloody right, you hear? Do you know just how f.ucking terrifying it would be to find out your abusive s.hithead father might be out to get you?! Get your good for nothing ass over here NOW." She demanded and hung up. My head spun a bit and I pieced together that I probably fainted.

"Bloody social workers don't know how to do their f.ucking job." She said to herself, not noticing I had woken up until I sat up slowly and reached for my tea.

"Is Maria coming now?" Is all I could think to ask.  I have too many questions that I don't know how to ask them all.

This isn't my first rodeo. This isn't the first time my father has threatened my safety. But what really sucks about this situation is that he ruined a perfectly good, and new life for me. I was 'going' to school, I had a flexible job, a supportive home and good friend-ish people. I was safe. Safer than I've ever been in a home in America.

"Maria will be here shortly. She's contacting your mother as well... How are you feeling, Belles?" She asked, more calmly. I lifted my feet off the couch and she sat underneath them, letting my legs rest on her lap.

I sighed, not quite sure how to respond. "Well... I'm upset but that's a given. I'm also really frightened."

"Oh honey, I know." She said as she rubbed circles on my calves. "We will do anything to take care of this."

And I couldn't help but think on a lingering thought I've had for months. Is it actually better for my mother and I to be separated? Wouldn't things be safer if we were allowed to be together instead of apart? I mean, I get why we can't live together anymore, but a girl misses her mom.

The defeat was written all over my face, while concern was drawn over Aunt Irene's.
"Maria will be here shortly, to talk over safety options. Maybe even getting a lawyer."

"Another one? Really? What makes you think this one will be any different." I couldn't help but be cynical about this subject.

I used to not be. So cynical, I mean. I used to have so much hope and drive about the situation with my father. But it's just gotten so exhausting, talking with an attorney after attorney. I can't be so invested anymore. Plus, Maria is a huge bitch and I'm still slightly hungover. All I want in the world is to be back in Harry's apartment, reading a magazine and drinking coffee while he sits at his desk in the sun, scribbling away at a journal. That's what it was this morning when Harry finally woke up. We spoke about last night he told me about the voicemail I left him. I felt so embarrassed about it but he was so understanding. 

"We've all been pissed like that sometime before in our lifetime, it's okay it's normal. I'm just glad you're safe." He assured me. I still felt so embarrassed though. ugh, why did he have to be so cute like that? His perfect brown hair that seems to be getting long, but I think it looks good all shaggy like that. I like to picture him the way he was this morning. He drank his coffee over a ballpoint pen, a leather journal similar to my own, and the morning sun. The sun illuminated his face just right, and I was able to sneak a couple glances of that really pure moment. I should feel weird about staying the night at his, but I don't. It only felt natural. The only thing I felt bad about was that I worried Irene. I should know better than to worry her like that. 

My head still hurt a bit from when I fainted. There was a dull throbbing at the sight where my head hit the floor when I went down. I was a little concerned about a concussion, but not too much where I felt the need to bring it up and worry aunt Irene anymore. 

I got up from my seat on the couch where I was regaining my strength. 

"I'm sorry I worried you, Irene." I said as I passed her on to my way to my room to get ready for my meeting with Maria.