Altered

Altered~ Sunsets, Tears, Hope

I stayed in this morning being it was the weekend now. I trotted to the kitchen still in my pajamas and poured myself a cup of orange juice; I looked out the window to notice what a beautiful day it was and decided that I wanted to go on a walk.

After I showered and threw on my favorite jean shorts and my floral tank top, pull my hair up in a high ponytail and tied on my favorite converse I asked Aunt Wilma where was the best place to explore.

"There's a nature park 10 minutes out of town." she says. I thank her and she gives me the keys to her car.

25 minutes later I'm making my way up the "Rocky Trails" path, I heard the cliff up top is amazing. The slope increases as I make my way up; the pebbles crunching under my feet, the wildlife in full swing. A squirrel and a fox crossed my path and plant life surround me; it really is a beautiful trail. Billie would have liked this, I think. I quickly shake my head. I came out here to feel peaceful and calm. Just to be with myself and nobody else, nothing to think about.

My converse do little to comfort my feet, but its better than sandals. I adjust my pack and keep walking on. It has been almost an hour and I'm still making my way up the path; a sign comes into view that the end of it is coming soon.

I don't want it to end. I'm enjoying the silence, being alone, and just feeling relaxed. The peace feels unnatural but welcomed; it has been awhile.

I finally come to the cliff; it is breathtaking. From up here it feels like your on top of the world! I can see the tops of trees below, the mountains ahead and feeling closer to the sun. Its like in a dream but when I pinch myself, I don't wake up and I feel the sudden impulse of pain.

I sit near the ledge; a safe distant where I'm close enough but not able to easily fall.I take off my pack and pull out a granola bar and some water and munch on it. I check my phone its an hour before sunset, I think I'll wait for it. I pull out a book and begin to read it to pass the time.

After 20 minutes into reading, I hear footsteps behind me. I turn to see someone making their way up but I cant recognize them; still a long enough distance out. I return to reading as I am cautious of the steps growing louder behind me.

"Penelope?" I hear someone say my name. I turn to find Hayden standing there; moonlight eyes gazing into mine, leaving me breathless. A mix of confusion and shock are displayed on his face; a mirror reflection of mine.

"Hayden? What are you doing here?" I ask, finally able to speak.

"Me? Um, I come here a lot. The question is what are you doing here?" he asks, making his way to sit by me.

"I just needed to be here I guess; plus, I wanted to see the sunset here." I say, looking out into the sky. The early stages of sunset are beginning and I didn't want to miss a moment of it.

"Yeah it sure is great up here." he says, staring into the sky; marveling the beauty works of nature. We sit there, in the presence of what seems like God Himself. The heavenly thoughts of the swirls of colors. The way the sky caressed the sun as if it was a fragile new born baby. The sun sinking into the abyss, the stars trailing behind it.

I let the view of that sink into me. Billie would have loved that. I blink the tears away before they stream onto my face. I turn to find him staring at me. Moonlight eyes identical to the moon looming above his head.

"What? What's the matter?" I ask.

"You. You are so hard to figure out yet, I feel like I know what your dealing with. The way you were so, so engrossed into the sunset, well, it was the most amazing sight I've ever seen." he admits. I blush, praying he couldn't see.

"Me and my sister, we would sit on a hill not to far away from our house and we would just wait for the sunset. Talk about anything and everything. One day when we were laying in the grass waiting for it to come she said,"Hey Pennie? When we're older can we go around the world and watch every sunset possible?" I smiled and turned my head towards  her and said, "Of course we can, I promise." she smiled and returned to waiting," I pause a second trying to keep myself together, " it feels so alien without her at my side." I admit, turning to watch the stars twinkling. Hayden sits there silent, unmoving; letting what I just confessed sink into him.

"My brother and I always walked this path. He loved being outside, craved being outside, always bringing home something new: a leaf, a lizard, a rock. Always something he thought was amazing. That's one of the things I loved about Alex. He was so curious, wondrous, an adventurer who let nothing get in his way.", he stops and looks up at me, "I can see how much you miss her, just as much I miss my brother, but she would want you to live, to feel free. Her spirit never died, only her physical body; but, shes there," he points to the sky," in every sunset you watch and every hill you sit on, like she never left." he says.

I turn to him with tears streaming down my face, unable to keep them from spilling over. Who knew that the most handsome and most amazing person be able to make me feel ten times better. I move over to give him a hug. He hugs me back. I felt so safe, so warm. God, he feels so good! I reluctantly pull away and look into his face, the moonlight eyes.

"Thank you." I say.

"Anytime, Pennie." he reaches out and puts his hand on my cheek. I lean into his hand, memorizing the soft, sturdiness of his hand.

"I guess we need to go." he whispers.

"Yeah I guess we do." We both get up and make our ways to the parking lot.

"Good bye." I say opening the car door.

"Oh hey, Penelope?" I turn to him.

"Are you free tomorrow?" he asks.

"No plans." I say to him.

"Do you want to go to the local art museum with me? They have this exhibit going on and I'm sure you'll love it." he assures me.

"Yeah, I loved to go." I smile and resume getting into my car.

I wish tomorrow was here already.