Temporary Nanny

Chapter 16

Things in the Clifford household have become very...tense. Not the crazy sexual I need you now kind of tension. Rather, it's become more I know you're still seeing your girlfriend and I'm not sure I'm okay with that kind of tension.

The sex has fizzled out and I've been in my own bed more than his for the last couple weeks yet neither of us has bothered to touch on the subject. There's clearly a pull going on here. A change in atmosphere.

Drastically so that anyone that sets foot in the house knows almost instantly.

I think maybe Stella's even feeling it, if not fully then she's definitely a little suspicious. She's become more wary of us while we're in the same room. Her green eyes watching us both carefully like she's assessing our every move.

Sometimes we have to remind each other she's watching. It's easy to get in our own heads with it surrounding the air around us and forget to take into account that there's another human being apart of this whole complex situation.

Its been easier though, Michael gone most days. Which yes, helps avoid the tension but there's something it doesn't help. That something being my sanity. Most days are spent thinking about where he is, who he's with, what he's doing.

It's honestly pathetic because I had no right.

He belonged to me in no way shape or form. Technically speaking, I was the other woman here.

Well, not even that lately. I was back to just being the nanny. Not even a friend because he can't seem to make more than two words leave his mouth.

And okay maybe I wasn't exactly pushing for conversation either but why should I? He's the one that made things tense. He's the one with a girlfriend.

Stella's a good distraction though. Still no first words or walking but she's close. I can feel it. Can see how bad she wants to mimic my words, how bad she wants to let go of whatever she's holding and take that step on her own. She'll get there. I'm not too worried about it.

She has however, started up with the clinginess again. It's not as severe as it was with the wailing but she gets fussy and needs to be sat with/by me at all times. Which is another reason I think she's catching on to all this.

It's all just a mess and I have no idea what the right way to go about this is because there's no chapter on what to do if you start having sex and catch feelings for your boss/friend that has a girlfriend in any baby book I've read.

Still, that being said, I think I'm doing alright. I like to have one-on-one time with Stella that's not just putting her to bed or giving her a bath. Alone time that's away from the house and her TV shows and the kitten that's not so much a kitten anymore.

Whether that be the park or aquarium or mini zoo down the way. Just some time to do something fun and give her my undivided attention so she knows whatever is happening she's still main priority here.

Michael hovers awkwardly at the doorway to Stella's room where I've taken cover in while she naps. He clears his throat and fusses with his hair. "Can you, uh, have her ready when she wakes up?" It's stiff and laced with nerves.

"Sure, you going to your mom's or something?" I manage to ask casually. I can tell from his body language that the answer isn't going to be something I want to hear and I immediately regret asking.

"No, uh, Bea wants to meet her." Michael admits sheepishly, avoiding my gaze.

It's the first time he's ever said her name. I know it wasn't meant as one but it sort of feels like a slap to the face. A sinking feeling consuming the pit of my stomach.