Temporary Nanny

Chapter 19

Stella's birthday comes incredibly too fast. It falls conveniently on a Saturday which makes it a lot easier with the party.

The theme has changed to an under the sea/mermaid theme that Michael's friend Luke actually suggested when he stopped by and saw me and Karen struggling with decorations and planning.

Though he wasn't exactly on my good list since it was he and his wife that introduced Michael to Beatrice, he quickly switched over the minute the brilliant idea fell from his lips.

Planning got a lot easier with one set theme and Mia found the perfect outfit for Stella while out shopping. It was an outfit I've been dying to get on her since the day I saw it.

Lucky today was finally that day.

Having slept over the previous night I feel like a child on Christmas Day. I hardly get any sleep I'm so excited for the day. I give up on sleep around 5 in the morning and make my way up to Stella's room.

She's sleeping soundlessly with Sarah cuddled up next to her. I'm torn between picking her up or leaving her be. I know I should pick the latter. It's going to be a long day and she doesn't need to be cranky and miserable all day just because I was having a moment.

So I choose to let her sleep, snapping a quick picture and taking a seat on my usual spot in the rocking chair.

I really didn't think the day would effect me the way that it seems to be. I'm feeling so much at once and I just can't believe Stella was finally one.

One year old.

She was a whole year!

She's been alive for an entire year. And she was just getting so big. Too big. By tomorrow she'll be stomping around and giving lip. I'm happy and sad and I'm positive I'll shed a tear or two at some point in the day.

"Can't sleep either huh?" Michael's soft groggy voice comes hushed. "Nope." I frown up at the sleepy looking man. "How is she already one?" I eye the rosy cheeked baby.

"I don't even know. I swear I just brought her home yesterday," Michael shakes his head getting lost in thought.

I watch intently as his eyes stay glued on Stella's steady breaths. I can't even imagine how he's feeling. If I'm on the verge of tears I wonder what it's like from his prospective having his actual flesh and blood turn a year old.

There is of course all those other moments in her life that are key elements I never got to experience too.

The day he found out she was even going to happen, the moment of hearing her heart beat for the first time and seeing her grow through a machine.

The day she was brought into the world. The first time he heard her cry, first time he saw her, first time he held her. I wish I had those moments. Not just the physical aspect but the emotional aspect as well.

I wish I had those little moments with him.

With them.

"I can't believe she's missing it," Michael breathes quietly. It's so quiet I'm not sure I was even meant to hear it. Still, I chime in anyway. "She's only sleeping Mike, she'll be up in a couple hours." He shakes his head. "Stel's mom. I can't believe she's missing this."

My words get caught in my throat. I'm not sure what to say or if I should say anything at all. I've been so caught up in my own emotions that I haven't even thought about her or what Michael must be feeling about it.

"I can't believe she gave this up. How could you not want to be with your child on their birthday? Not even just her birthday but her very first birthday. It just blows my mind." His voice comes broken and tired.