Temporary Nanny

Chapter 33

It's been three weeks. Three weeks since the best and worst day of Michael's life. He goes over it in his head on a constant loop, beating himself up in the process. There's so much he could have done. So much he wishes he had done.

For starters, he would have never let Charlie leave the apartment 6 months ago. He would have fought harder. He would have sent Stella's mom away without a bat of his lash. He would have called every day. He would have showed up and made her talk to him. He would have begged even more than he did.

He would have done anything to have her with him now.

It's not just the last 6 months he keeps thinking about though. It's the last few minutes he had with Charlie. He should have never taken the bait. He knew she was 8 months pregnant. He knew it was a bad idea.

Yet he still yelled. And not just stupid nonsense yelled. He yelled the most horrible things. Things that weren't even true but he knew would get to her. And that's the worst part. That's the part that keeps him up at night. The fact that he only said those things to hurt her.

It doesn't matter how many times Mia tells him he was angry and that she knew how much he loved her. It doesn't matter how many times his mom and dad inform him of the talks they each had with her about how much they both loved each other.

It doesn't matter how many times he tells himself she must have known. None of it matters because she's not the one saying it. It means nothing if it's not her confirming the fact and reassuring him she knew just how much he loves her.

He kicks himself for telling her to pull over. Maybe the car wouldn't have hit her if she hadn't pulled over. Maybe she wouldn't have been in the way of that idiot of a driver. Maybe if he'd just let her finish her drive to the label then they would have talked and she'd be here to help with the kids.

But he did tell her to pull over and he didn't meet her for lunch and she wasn't here to help with the kids. These days, neither is he.

"Michael," Mia's soft voice pulls him from his thinking. He looks over at her with slow blinking eyes. "Stella's asking for you again." She states. She leans against the open wall that leads to the hall outside Charlie's bedroom.

He can't form any words far too exhausted and doesn't want to be here but his mom wont let him leave the house until he's gotten some sleep. He shakes his head in a nonverbal response.

"Mikey..." Mia sighs sympathetic. He shakes his head again and shuts his eyes, leaning his head against the back of the sofa. "She wouldn't want this Mike." Mia says gently but stern. Michael swallows thickly. "You haven't even held the baby yet."

It's true. He hasn't. He just can't. Not now anyway. The wounds too deep, too fresh.

"I know you didn't exactly have that bonding time but jesus Michael he's half of her and you'd think you'd want to be with that right now." Mia's voice cracks.

Michael's eyes water beneath his lids. Everyone's been telling him that a lot lately. They just don't get that it's the exact reason he can't be with him right now.

"And what about Stel? She doesn't have her mom, she should at least have her dad." Mia goes on with her shaky scolding. "Hello?" She huffs.

Michael doesn't know what to say. She's right. She's absolutely right. Yet his chest wont un-tighten, his heart wont stop aching, his mouth can't seem to move.

His mind wont shut off and he can't for the life of him get the haunting image of Charlie covered in cuts and bruises while getting whisked away to the hospital out of his head.

"These two kids are her world Michael, she'd want them taken care of by you. She'd want you with them. You guys are her family. Please get yourself together so you can take care of my best friend's family." Mia's crying now. Full on tears that tie a knot in Michael's stomach.