The Fall - Book 2

266. Let's go home!

DECEMBER 28, 2020 — THE OTHER AVENGERS COMPOUND — RÉA

Nova didn't order the entire taco shop...but she was close.

After our lunch of various tacos—carnitas, al pastor, mahi-mahi, camarones a la Diabla, carne asada, and chicken tinga—chips, queso, salsa, and guacamole, Also-Bucky and Other-Loki invite Bucky to go on a walk with them around the compound grounds. He takes Conall with him, and they head out, leaving Nova and I alone in her suite.

"Can I ask you something? A very personal something?" she asks.

"You can ask...I can't promise I'll answer."

"That's valid." She shifts, once again sitting cross-legged. "Earlier. Before we went to the conference room. There was a moment when Wade was getting close to you, and you kind of...froze. And I—"

"And you wondered if something happened to me."

"Yeah," she nods. After a pause, she continues. "And I know you're this badass Nephilim, and you told us about your powers and stuff, so it seems unlikely. But...I know what a trauma response looks like. I've had enough of them myself. And I'm with Bucky, so...well, y'know."

I'm quiet for several long moments, debating how to respond.

"Yes," I finally say. "I'm not going to go into all of the details...because they're very personal. To give you a definitive answer to your question, though...yes. Something happened to me. It was awful, and terrifying, and painful, and even though the one responsible was...dealt with...it still haunts me. The nightmares happen less frequently—they do still happen, though—and I can actually be around people again...." I trail off. "It wasn't easy to get to this point. And even with my powers back, it's...that fear still rears its head." I draw in a deep breath. "Bucky is wonderful. Because of what happened, the self-doubt I had before just grew. And even now, I still have moments when I'm afraid that he'll get tired of me and leave. I know he won't...but sometimes, that unhealed—healing—part of me takes over and—"

"So your brain is an asshole like mine!" she exclaims. "Sorry, that was aggressive. And sorry for interrupting. I just—"

"Had a thought, and the filter didn't filter?"

"Exactly!" She gives me a quizzical look. "Wait...does your filter sometimes stop filtering? I mean, mine's not a 'sometimes' thing; that's a regular occurrence. But you're...see, I'm going off on a gremlin word-vomit ramble." She pinches her lips, holding her mouth closed with one hand, and gestures for me to continue with the other.

"Yes, sometimes my filter stops filtering. And I ramble, too." I pause briefly. "You're right. Sometimes, my brain is an asshole." I tilt my head slightly to the side. "Does your Bucky always seem to know just the right things to say?"

"He does!"

We lapse into silence for a few minutes, then she speaks again. "How, um...how did...I mean, you have powers. So...?"

"I, um...well, several months before...I took the Fall."

"The thing you talked about downstairs?! You lost your powers, your...your angel-ness?!"

I nod. "I had to. It was...Bucky was barely hanging on, and almost all of the others were..." my eyes fill, and my voice catches. "They were gone. And I...I needed them not to be."

A tear rolls down my cheek, and I quickly swipe it away. In a flash, Nova is beside me, wrapping me in a hug. I stiffen for a fraction of a second, and then return her embrace.

"Thank you," I say as we separate. "I've...well, I've never talked about any of that with anyone outside of the team, apart from in therapy. Thank you for letting me trauma-dump."