The Fall - Book 2

251. I'm your Auntie Nat.

OCTOBER 31, 2020 — THE BARNES HOUSE — NAT

"Nat, Bruce, come on in."

Bucky—holding his son—steps aside to let me and Bruce enter the house.

"Réa's upstairs, pumping; she'll be right down," he continues as he makes his way into the living room and takes a seat on one of the couches.

Bruce and I take seats on the couch across from Bucky's, exchanging basic pleasantries with our friend. Silence eventually descends over us; while it's not entirely uncomfortable, it also isn't entirely comfortable, either. Bruce takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze, which I return.

"Look, I...I understand that this is...you know what, I don't understand. While I can empathize with you both, and can logically know how difficult this must be for you, I can't truly understand what you're experiencing right now." Bucky's gaze moves between me and Bruce as he speaks. "That's why Réa and I invited you to come over before the others. We wanted to give you the opportunity to meet Conall without everyone else around."

"We appreciate that, Bucky," Bruce says. "Really." He gives my hand another squeeze. "Nat and I have talked about this, and we both feel the same way: while we're sad for us, we're happy for you and Réa. As Nat's pointed out, the two don't have to be mutually exclusive."

"You and Réa mean so much to us," I say as Bucky nods. "And seeing two people we care very deeply for be so incredibly happy...that makes us happy, too." My eyes mist, the tears a blend of pride, happiness, and sadness, and I sniffle as I fan my face with my hand. "Sorry, I—"

"You don't have to apologize, Nat," Réa says as she enters the room. "To quote my husband: 'you're allowed to feel what you feel, when you feel it'. None of us in this room will ever judge you for doing that."

She crosses the room, taking a seat beside me and holding her arms open. I immediately accept the hug, wrapping my arms around her. Neither of us speak, but we don't need to...we just need this moment as friends—as sisters. Réa waits for me to end the embrace, then takes two tissues from the box on the coffee table, passing one to me. We both dab our watery eyes, and she gives me a soft look.

"I—we—wanted to ask you something, Nat. We wanted to wait until you had a chance to meet Conall before we did, though."

I nod. "You can ask me anything, Réa."

"We wanted to know if..." she softly clears her throat. "Would you be Conall's godmother?"

I gasp, because I wasn't expecting that. "I...are you sure?" Before either Réa or Bucky can reply, I continue. "I know Steve is his godfather. And Caroline would be a great godmother. I thought...." I trail off.

"You thought we'd ask her?"

"Yeah," I look from Réa, to Bucky, to Bruce, then back to Réa. "I mean, I..." I again turn to Bruce, and he gives me a soft smile and nods. "Why me?"

"To us," my best friend looks at her husband before returning her gaze to mine, "a godparent is someone who will mentor and guide our son; who will have his best interests at heart; who will support and love him unconditionally. You already do all of those things, Natasha."

Her use of my full name tells me just how sincere she is...and I'm still floored by the request. "I...but how do you know that?"

"Why did you come here today? You could have said 'no', and no one would have faulted you for it."

"I...I wanted to meet Conall."

"Why?"

"Because," I sniffle as my eyes once again fill with tears. "Because I love him. I've loved him since you told me you were pregnant, before I even knew he was a 'him'. Because even though I have moments where I'm sad and full of longing, I never stop wanting to be Auntie Nat."