Doppled in Gray [Discontinued]

Doppled in Gray [chapter five]

As the entire day passes it is like the world that felt too large before is now suffocating me, consuming me. The mediocre work that I did only days ago has been switched with work that is back breaking. All I can even bear to do is try my best to remain alive. That is how I feel as every muscle in my body becomes sore. Though, that is more than many others near my work space can say. Already, every couple hours, one will drop and is immediately replaced with one that appears the same except healthier, more ignorant. They are painstakingly similar and yet painfully different.

I wonder if the new recruits ever find out about the ones before them. I certainly wouldn't have the will to tell them. All the new ones know is this place. How can I possibly explain a place without just pain? A place that is hidden from the superiors callused hands. Where they can't hurt us. For a moment I am nearly jealous of their ignorance for the reason that they don't know that there is a place better. A place where they can be happier. And in that sense they are lucky. But that does not let me forget that I still have something they do not. A chance to escape. And that is what keeps me going through the day. It is what keeps me from collapsing over the sun that is so hot it makes me want to vomit. I keep going because I know my days are numbered.

When they usher me into the General's office I feel sparks of electricity bouncing off my hot skin and filling the air. I hope he doesn't feel my anxiousness.

“You're not carrying,” he says with a tight from. A look of relief crosses my face. This can never be a good place for a child.

“Good. And don't bother wasting money on me anymore because I refuse,” I reply with strong contempt in my eyes.

When his palm connects with my face I feel that I am finally being slapped into reality. I have no respect here. There is nothing stopping them from killing me except the money it takes to make a new person. I am expendable, I will always be expendable. I try to take a deep breath that would control my frustration and tears but it simply turns into a tiny gasp when a small container of purple pills are slammed onto the desk.

“One a day for the next week. If you aren't pregnant by then you're done. Period. Understand?”

I nod quickly in response, afraid that if I open my mouth all that will come out is a scream of despair. One week. Only seven days before I had to escape. The task now seemed more daunting than ever.

#####

As the sun sinks into the horizon I feel the creatures that appreciate the nightlife begin to stir. Crickets, an owl, bats, even old men that have a habit of stealing a substance called alcohol from superiors to relieve their minds of this place. They all look for solace under the same stars. As soon as they are all out, souls combining gently to the crickets' savory tune and the wind's gentle breathy harmony more things begin to poke into my vision.

Cats and dogs chasing each other playfully around a pen are being traded by a young ambitious superior in need of hemp for some odd reason. Local children, one of them Raymie, are finishing their final hover-game of “rebels”; the game that involves using fake light beams against 'superiors' to win their land back. Raymie is one of the rebels at the moment, hovering quickly around and accurately shooting fake beams at one of the smaller boys. When his suit alarms him he has been hit he falls to the ground dramatically, trying to withhold his giggles the entire time.

I stand and enjoy the atmosphere for a moment, relishing in the normality of it all. But in the back of my head an itchy little thought remains, teasing me me to pay attention. Do I even know what normal is? Have I ever? No mother, no father, no family doctor not even a real feeling that was simply skin deep before coming here. Only electrical impulses and “gifts from the gods” that ended up being demons in disguise. I suppose that normality is simply overall happiness, wherever you are. With that, even the most unusual life can be normal.

As the earth finally darkens completely, leaving only letters of greatness from the universe in the way of light, the superiors herd us into the hall. It is still sparse, reminding me of old Original television dramas in a hospital room. And it seems the room is only getting smaller as more come in.

We are given more rules to follow, jobs to do and people to procreate with. This time there is no one to resist, the fatigue is too great. And when General Bramwell speaks, all go silent.

“For the first generation doppelgangers, ones who lived in a virtual world, a law has been passed. You are now permitted to know what happened to loved ones in that place. Straight single file line.”

Only ten people line up, Deeva and Amber are not among them. I would have expected a surge of people but now so many are gone and the ones left no longer need another burden of pain. I am the last in line. It moves quickly, all leave with tears in their eyes, either of hope or loss. As it inches forward I don't even bother to pick a person. I already know my choice. Pher. I had to know what happened to my love.

When I am finally at the front, facing the man that I refuse to fear, I speak his name strong and clear.

“General Bramwell, I would like to know about Christopher Fabian Arzallus.”

As he types in the name I can feel my heart stop. But I needed to know, I must know.

Bramwell clears his throat, “The Original Mr. Arzallus was reduced to a vegetative state after a Beam-R crash-- that's a type of vehicle-- though they were able to recover the entirety of his memories, personality and et cetera. So he was transported into the Doppleganger's body.”

“What does that mean?”

“You're friend's body is now an Original, you should be proud.”

“What about his mind?”

“I'm not a scientist. How should I know?”

I try my best to control my breathing. He is out there, perfectly fine. And yet he is not. I will never be able to find Pher, my Pher.

“You would be proud though,” the General adds, “your Mr. Arzallus fought until the end.”

And then I can't take it any longer. I am gone.

My feet take me to the fence, tears gushing down my face like a waterfall at its height. His name beats itself into my head until I feel like I am bleeding from the inside. The pain, every time I hear it, echos within my ears and is insurmountable. I suppose that somewhere, down deep, I have been thinking that I still have a chance. He said he will stop this, he said he can save me. He made promises that I had hope in but I knew he could never keep. Now, even though I am right next to home, I have never been more lost.

As I drag myself back into the room with Amber that will slowly be the death of me in the next week I hope that somewhere Pher, the real Pher, can hear my wails of pure anguish.