Kingdom Her • Avengers Soulmate AU

real life | waking dark

jordan jolted awake, sweat slick on his skin, heart pounding like a war drum. the room was still and dark; the only light came from the streetlamps filtering in through the blinds. for a moment, he lay there, chest heaving, trying to steady himself against the echo of hydra's screams in his mind.

he remembered falling asleep - in the lounge, so how was he here? he whispered to friday, so as not to wake emily beside him, and she almost silently informed him that steve had carried them both to their room after seeing that the boy had finally found a moment of sleep.

he'd actually slept - well, sort of - for the first time in days, but the price had been a nightmare: steel walls, distant shrieks, cartia's face twisted in fear as he'd reached for her and she'd slipped away. he woke knowing that it hadn't been real, yet it felt like another betrayal.

"jordan?"

emily stirred beside him, voice groggy. a sliver of moonlight caught her hair, soft and tangled from sleep.

"go back to bed," he rasped, pushing himself up on one elbow. his throat felt raw. "i'm fine."

she hesitated, eyes wide in the pale light as she gave him that look. "you're not."

he gave a short, humourless laugh. "i'll live."

reluctantly, she burrowed beneath the duvet. he listened to her breath even out, then slipped quietly from the bed and padded down the corridor in bare feet, the familiar creak of the floorboards grounding him.

the tower was silent at this hour. he reached the medbay door and found it slightly ajar, soft light spilling into the hall. inside, he spotted bucky, seated in the corner by the window, knees drawn up, gazing at cartia's bed.

bucky was yet to visit her while she was awake. jordan paused, watching the winter soldier's broad shoulders shake with silent anguish.

"can't sleep either?" jordan whispered, crossing the room and settling on the stool beside him.

bucky looked up, eyes shadowed. "figured someone would need to watch the monitors. i took your mom to bed, she needed some real sleep."

jordan nodded at the screen. cartia's vitals were steady, but her chest rose and fell in slow, laboured breaths.

"nightmares?" bucky asked after a moment.

"don't think they'll stop for a while." jordan ran a hand through his hair. "what about you. how do you... deal?"

bucky's gaze dropped to his hands, scarred and strong. "you learn to keep going. one breath at a time. some days are worse than others."

"even now?" jordan pressed. "even after all this-"

"especially now." bucky interrupted softly. "when you feel like you should be past it. you're not. doesn't mean you'll never be okay. just means it takes time."

jordan swallowed. "i feel guilty. like i didn't earn this. i didn't go through what she did."

bucky's eyes met his, fierce with understanding. "doesn't matter what you went through. matters that you're here now. everything you did, or didn't go through... you had no control. that you care enough to feel guilt, fear? that means you're human."