The Curious Incident of the Aussies in the Oreo Aisle

Just crash, fall down

Hi, hey, hello! New story!! This is dedicated to my friend Stevie for knowing literally all the references and inside jokes in this chapter. Espen on the side/top

luv oo 

Hope you enjoy it!!

Thea xx

Pt 1 - Just crash, fall down

Espen's POV:

Oreos. I need Oreos and I need them right now. I think to myself as I watch Nigella Lawson cook some good looking shit that I need to consume within my lifetime. Unfortunately I can't cook so I'll have to wait until I find someone who can. I get up and go to the kitchen, digging through the cupboards for any sign of Oreos or those cheep unbranded chocolate sandwich cookies my mum buys from Aldi sometimes because 'Oreos are too expensive and they taste the same anyway' which isn't true at all since nothing will ever compare to Oreo brand Oreos.

When I don't see any I go upstairs and root through my room for some since I seem to hoard them in there. Don't ask me why but it's a handy habit to have for example last night I ate a whole pack of Oreos up here while watching Mean Girls in my pink pyjamas because it was a Wednesday and on Wednesday's we wear pink. I dread to think how long those Oreos had been in my room but they were only slightly stale and still tasted fine. Then again, I highly doubt an Oreo could ever taste bad; they're just perfect in almost all senses. The only big issue with Oreos is the cookie part has a tendency to get lodged in your teeth and it's a pain in the ass to get out but everything beautiful has its flaws and downsides. Apart from Vic Fuentes, he's perfect. Actually you can't say Vic is perfect without saying Alex and Kellin are perfect as well because together they, along with their bands, are the holy trinity of music. Like garlic, chilli and lime which, according to Nigella, are the holy trinity of Mexican cooking.

I huff in annoyance when my Oreo hoarding draw (aka my bra draw) is free from all traces of Oreo from any time period. I go over to my piggy bank and take out ten pounds which I had been saving up to buy a Marianas Trench band shirt but desperate times call for desperate measures and besides, I can get my dad to get me the shirt anyway. I shove the money in my butt pocket and grab my phone along with my headphones. I shove those in the other butt pocket and then sit on the edge of my bed to put my iridescent converse on. I had dubbed them my unicorn shoes since they're also magical and I love them almost as much as actual unicorns. Now fully clothed, I check my appearance in the mirror; I look like a lazy bitch who wants Oreos. At least I don't cake my face in make up, my mother should be proud that I don't wear make up and look like a sassy bitch who you wouldn't want to fuck with, I won't be date raped. Nor will I go on a date the way things are going at the moment. To be honest I think the main reason I don't wear make up is because I don't have enough hand eye co ordination to apply it correctly but that is one hundred percent beside the point.

I walk out of my house and untangle my headphones as I walk to the local Tesco's, every little helps bitches. When I get there I plug my headphones into my phone and grab a basket, singing along to Crash by You Me at Six as I put my essential needs as a teenage girl in the basket

By the time I reach the biscuit isle I've gotten Nutella, chocolate milk and tampons which have nothing to do with what I originally came for but like I said they're essential needs for a teenage girl, boyfriend of the future take notes. I then begin the familiar walk to the section where the Oreos are, reaching for a package of the world's best cookie when a body slams into mine. I must applaud whom ever just fell onto me since they did it just as Joshua James Alphonse Franceschi sings the most powerful 'Crash, fall down' of the song. I groan as more weight is piled on top of me and people start squabbling above me