Obsessed

Be free.

Song for this chapter: Drown by Bring Me The Horizon.

Trigger warning- please do not read if you are easily triggered.
Remember I love you random citizen!

Be Free...

Even as a child I had an over active imagination, always looking deeply into stuff, never seeing the simple side of things.
I never really lost that side of me. Growing up I never needed a lot of friends, just a few that I knew would never leave me for someone better.
I never loathed after popularity or needed the latest brand of clothing.
I just made the most of what I had and that was okay with me.

At school no one really paid attention to me, I was always just the weird quiet one at the back of the class room. However I always seemed to hear the things they said about me;
'The Emo kid',
and no matter how hard I tried their words always hurt me.
That's why I buried myself in books, to drown out the real world, to forget their hurtful words.
No matter how hard I tried I could never fully block out the hateful words directed towards me.

Fat.
Ugly.
Why are you even still here?
You don't deserve friends.
You don't deserve anyone.
Why don't you go cut your wrists?
Emo kid.
Emo kid.
Emo kid.

Sometimes the words managed to break through the thick walls that I had build around me.
But once one got through.
A flood followed.
I couldn't stop it.
I couldn't control it.
Their words were hitting me like bullets.
Left. Right.
Left. Right.
Each wound it created was another cut on my wrist.
Each hurting more than the last.
Soon I would tell myself.
Soon it will be better.

It never got better.

My parents say I'm obsessed over books.
And they're right, I get obsessed over little things, I like to make the most of them whilst they're there.
Because after all everything I love always leaves me.
I always end up messing up.
I always end up being the one hurt.
I don't read books for fun.
I read them to forget about my problems and just be free for a while.
No responsibilities;
no problems,
no worries.

But.
There was always a downside.
What happened when I put the book down?
All of the words and the hurt came back.
They could only protect me for so long. Every morning I had to get up and face another day.

One day, I decided that I needed to change.
So that's what I did.
But it wasn't in a good way.

It never is in a good way.

A/N
Two chapters down!
This is taking a lot more editing than I originally thought.

Vote, comment, blah, blah, blah...

Love, newts_fangirlxx

Edited- 28/05/16