Obsessed

Expectations.

Song for this chapter: Immortals by Fall out Boy.

Trigger warning- please do not read if you are easily triggered.
Remember I love you random citizen!

Expectations...

Throughout life, people are obsessed with the idea of expectations.
How they expect you to:

Behave...

Think...

Feel...

React...

And even love.

For example, quite recently actually, it was results day for myself and of course for many other 14-18 year olds.
Now being a Year 10 student, I only had 3 results to collect instead of 15 or even 20 !
But still.
Those 3 results were important and were expected to be a high grade. Expected. That's what makes things a struggle. The idea of someone believing in you to get a certain grade. They constantly remind you of how 'smart' you are and how you're going to get the top grades no problem and don't get me wrong, it helps me realise that I'm not as thick and stupid as I sometimes think of myself as and it reminds me that my friends actually do care and are there to help reassure me.
But it just kills me to think that their expectations of me could be wrong and when the day arrived I was to fail, what would I see ? Disappointment ? Yeah. That sounds about right.
It's the thought of everyone DISAPPOINTED in me simply because of expectations.
It hurts.

However there's always good in something and I've learnt a thing or two from expectations. If I wasn't told how I was expected to behave in a restaurant or in a cinema then who knows how my behaviour would stand. I could be screaming and talking and not caring for anything and if everyone was like that, who would be there to put us right ? We all learn in different ways and peoples expectations is one of them.

I did mention love and yes,
it can be a delicate subject but it's something we all face and deal with.
In society today, peoples expectations are starting to get similar.
The expectations of a man. What do you expect from a man ?

Well mannered ?
Tall ?
Respectful ?
Generous ?
Good looking ?

All the things you grew up believing ?

And yet, we all look around and realise that it can rare to meet a boy with all those expectations.
To some people, that's the end of the world full stop.
But to others, to me, it's not.
Quite simply for the reason that I believe that everyone is unique in their own weird and wonderful ways and expectations shouldn't get in between them. Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectations. Many examples of this is simply at school.
I've known people who have fell in love but have their love die away because of fellow others expecting better, a better boy.
Even a better girl. I know myself that I'm not perfect, I never will be and I believe no one IS perfect.
But there is nothing wrong with FEELING perfect, especially with the one you makes you feel like it and that is something not to be ruined by expectations.    

All of my life I have been trying to live up to expectations, my family forever pushing me to do the right thing. For a start I listened to them, tried to be a perfect child. But now I realise, I don't want to be the person they expect me to be anymore.

I never was that person,

I never will be that person.

A/N

bakerstreet_xox wrote this for me last summer.
When I was editing I didn't even consider taking this chapter out.

Vote, comment, blah, blah, blah...

Love, newts_fangirlxx

Edited- 20/06/16