leather jacket::malum/muke {COMPLETED}

4.3

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!

"Go away, go away!" I screamed, my voice getting louder as I knocked things down from my desk, covering my ears and hoping they'll go away.

Michael and medication had helped. They really did. I had a distraction, someone to fully immerse myself in. I don't know why but the meds made them foggy or vanish completely as long as they were in my system.

But I have reached my downfall. I haven't taken my meds in days, and now Michael is gone. There's nothing to distract me from what's inside.

"You're a fucking joke" I heard Ashton spit at me. I covered my ears and further tucked my head into my knees. I sat in the corner of my bed and the wall, curled up in a ball.

I shook my head, "no no no no!"

"You're a pathetic, stupid little boy who's so blindsided and desperate that you can't even see that nobody loves you!" He yelled back, getting closer.

"Please stop" I whimpered, tears already rolling down my pink cheeks. "Ashton, please."

I lifted my head up, and he was right in front of me. Bending down so he was eye level, he whispered, "do it."

"No" I shook my head, sniffling. I have always let him win, and I didn't want to let him win this time. I couldn't. I wanted him to go away, I wanted that more than anything in the world. I was afraid of him, that was for sure. And he would never leave. Only when I was around Michael and on meds.

This time, Ashton grabbed my wrists. "DO IT!" He yelled, gripping them way too tight. I winced in pain.

"O-Okay just please stop hurting me" I whispered, giving up already. It was so damn hard to be strong now. He had been pestering me for days about it, and I had finally reached my breaking point.

He didn't let go, instead he yanked me up from the floor and dragged me into the bathroom, throwing me on the hard ground.

"Worthless piece of shit" he hissed and kicked me in my side. "Get up."

I groaned in pain, trying to stand up. I knew this wasn't supposed to be real, but the fear of continuing to be in pain every day because of my illness was too overwhelming. My body stung, but nonetheless I reached into the old cabinet and took out something that hadn't been used in a long time.

My blades.

Old scars that never quite healed littered my forearms. I hadn't covered them up today, or any other day this week. I had barely come out of my room, wondering endlessly what I had done wrong.

Before I did anything else, I texted Michael.

-

luke: i'm sorry for everything

luke: for accidentally texting you

luke: for hiding from you before we met

luke: for becoming mentally ill and almost killing you

luke: for making you wait for me when i went to psych for years

luke: and for not being strong enough to battle my own demons.

luke: it's a lifelong battle, mikey

luke: one that i can no longer fight.

luke: you're going to be happy one day

luke: and you're going to finally be free of me

luke: goodbye my precious 'hulk', the one that used to love stuffed animals so much because he had no friends

luke: you are loved now

luke: and i love you so much

luke: never forget that i ever did

messages delivered

A/N: here comes the downfall