Happy Endings

46. broken

"Thread by thread I come apart. If brokenness is a work of art, surely this must be my masterpiece."

☼

"I love you."

Kellin Quinn felt as though time had frozen for a second. Hours even. Days.

"I love you."

He didn't... He didn't hear him right, did he? He couldn't...

"I love you."

Was he repeating it? Or did it just keep repeating in his head?

"I love you."

Make him stop. Please, make him stop. Say something. Do something.

Kellin blinked. But it wouldn't go away. He kept saying it. Ringing in his ears.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

He wasn't, though. He wasn't, but the more Kellin blinked, the more Kellin's brain scrambled, the more his mind flashed with unwanted, buried memories.

He kept hearing his voice, kept seeing him above him instead of Vic. Just like this. Exactly like this. Why... Why was this happening? He didn't—He couldn't—Breathe.

Dread grew inside him like vines again. That old friend he thought he was rid of, curling itself into every one of his nerves, every single bone, tightly around his neck. Strangling him just like before. Paralyzing him in place. Just like always.

Nothing changed.

That was the sad truth, wasn't it? He was only kidding himself. This whole time. Kellin thought he was doing better, that he could fight and win against this. Fooled himself every single day thinking he could do this, that he could have this and be okay, but it only took three little words to shatter all the so-called progress he thought he'd made. Three words that anyone would be happy to hear, three words that anyone would say back.

He was never going to be okay. He was never going to be normal. He couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't. What was wrong with him? Everything. And everyone knew that.

He should know too.

A hand to Vic's chest. A light push. Not a single word from Kellin.

Nothing changed.

He couldn't look at him anymore. How could he? He didn't want to face the utmost heartbreak he caused in those eyes. Again. Another one. Did Kellin enjoy this in some sick and evil way? It sure seemed like that. Trust him to break the things he liked the most. He didn't deserve someone as good as Vic. He didn't deserve anyone.

Kellin had no idea how or when he stumbled into the bathroom, but suddenly there he was. Clinging to the counter with trembling, cold hands. Another version of himself reflected in the mirror now. His true self. Broken beyond repair. Worthless. Hopeless.

He couldn't look up and see himself for more than a second, but it was enough to know that the Kellin he saw earlier was a fake, a pretense of what could never be while this... This was him. The real Kellin. A pitiful excuse for a man that no one should want. Let alone... love.

Vic was lying. He couldn't possibly.

"Kellin, please come back. Stop. Please. What are you doing? Don't go. We can talk about this. I'm sorry. Wait."

It wasn't Vic saying this; it was his head replaying the worst flashback of Kellin's life. In a loop. Over and over again. Like his mind enjoyed the torment. Like it was actually happening again. Kellin didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was real and what wasn't. He clutched his head to make it stop, but it was useless, and he dropped to his knees, completely helpless as the darkness inside him burst, consuming everything.