My Name is Porcelain (A Marianas Trench Fan-Fic)

This Is The Past We Must Live With

IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. I'M SORRY IF YOU HATE IT, BUT I'VE BEEN EXTREMELY BUSY!!! ~Sorry~ Pleeeease don't hate me <3 

Chapter 16

“Hi, my name’s Nicole.” This was Matt’s girlfriend. She was nice, some things she said came out wrong, or were taken in the wrong context but overall she was nice. Very happy and upbeat about things.

“Hi, my name is Porcelain.” I smiled and stood somewhat behind Josh. It wasn’t until I saw Mike looking at my hand that I realized I was tapping my leg. Josh grabbed my shoulders and pulled me aside.

“Porce just breathe.” I nodded and placed my hand on my forehead. “She won’t hurt you.” I shook my head and felt tears roll down my cheeks.

“It’s not her.” I then pointed to the window where Amanda was standing outside.

“Fuck.” Josh had just barely said it but was loud enough for me to hear.

“Josh I’ll just go lie down.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and felt the cigarettes clash with my fingers. It made me smile and gave me enough energy to walk to the back where Josh and I had been sleeping. Once I looked around and made sure I was alone, I closed and locked the door and pulled out a single cigarette and my lighter. “You’re what I need right now.”

That’s when I realized it wasn’t what I needed. I didn’t need anything. I just wanted it, but this wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted heroin. I clawed at my head getting my hair caught in my rough hands, I tried to tear the thought from my mind but it only made it worse. I stood up and paced around the room trying to think of something new, but each thought would tear away and I’d go right back to heroin. I tore my sweater off as I felt myself getting warmer. Tears poured down as I looked to my scarred arms, a single cut ripping open and causing blood to puddle on my arm. “You’re horrible. You’re a worthless piece of shit.” I grabbed at my hair and pulled until it finally gave way and I was holding clumps of hair in my hands.

Everything started getting blurry, sweat fell into my eyes and made them burn. I clawed at them trying to relieve it, but I had only made it worse by leaving a cut on the corner of my eye. A knock on the door made me turn in fright. I looked in the mirror with everything still blurry. “Shit, shit, shit.” I muttered to myself. I wiped blood from my eye and picked up some makeup to try and hide it. Picking up my sweater and throwing it over my shoulders I walked to the door. On the other side of it was an inpatient Mike wanting to bust through.

“Porcelain, open up. Josh wants me to check on you.” I didn’t answer for a second as I checked another mirror to see if any blood had overpowered my make-up. Luckily it didn’t. “Porce? Are you okay?” I took a hold of the door handle and swung it open just missing my toe with the bottom of the door.

“Yeah I’m fine. Are you?” I wiped sweat from my forehead and danced past Mike as if nothing happened.

“Why are you sweating so much?” I shrugged.

“It’s hot in there.” I finally stopped sweating, and my eyes felt better.

Once I got back to the group of laughing people and awkward conversations I sat on the couch and waited until Josh was done talking. I waved him over and he sat beside me with a small smile across his face. “Better?” He said as he linked his fingers with mine. I nodded and smiled.

“Better.” I grabbed his cheek and pulled him into a kiss. Behind us was the oohing crowd of the guys and Nicole. I pushed away embarrassed, as my cheeks went red I could feel them burning up. Josh chuckled and grabbed my cheek, pushing away the awkward moment I went back to kissing Josh.