My Name is Porcelain (A Marianas Trench Fan-Fic)

Help Not Needed

Sorry it took longer than usual, been busy. ALSO, sorry this chapter is short. I REALLY just want to sleep right now.

Chapter 4

Josh and I had a conversation about what was wrong, I hadn’t told him anything about being abused both verbally and physical, not the cutting or being a bulimic but I told him about the heroin. He told me I should go to rehab, but I refused to. “Sorry to interrupt, but mom and dad want to try that again.” Sarah stood at the door as Josh and I sat beside each other. It was kind of hard for me to sit right beside him; I wasn’t comfortable with him enough to do so. During the conversation I had slid away from him a couple times, he would move closer, but then eventually got the hint when I put my hand between us. At one point he asked me why I didn’t want to be so close but I pushed his question away and went back to our, somewhat normal conversation.

“Yeah, just give us a second Sarah.” Josh waved her out of the room and she left without saying a word.

“No, you know we should just go up and talk to them.” Josh reached for my arm, but I swung it away after flinching.

“Will you tell me why you can’t trust me?” I shook my head and bolted out of the room. I ran into Sarah on the stairs and started a conversation with her. Once we got upstairs I felt even more eyes on me. I played with my fingers, which were hidden in the sleeve of my sweater. Sarah directed me to a large room with two couches and two armchairs. I sat on a couch beside Sarah and waited for someone to talk.

“So, Porcelain, I’m Miles. Sarah’s dad.” I smiled and waved, he stuck his hand out for me to shake but I pretended like I hadn’t seen it. “This is my wife Corlynn.” He pointed to his wife who was seated in one of the chairs. I smiled to her then turned to Sarah who was now talking.

“So, mom and dad I was wondering if maybe Porcelain could stay here for a bit. She doesn’t really have a place right now.” I widened my eyes and shook my head to her.

“No.” I looked to her parents and repeated my last word. “No, really I’m fine. I have somewhere to go, I just have to get there.” Miles and Corlynn just looked to each other confused.

“Porcelain stop! You aren’t leaving!” I watched as her parents talked quietly to each other then looked up.

“It’s okay for you to stay, if you don’t want to you are free to leave.” Miles smiled to me and I felt uncomfortable.

“Alright, I’ll just grab my stuff and leave. Sorry for interrupting you.” Sarah’s mouth dropped open as I shuffled past her. I picked up my bag and headed for the front door, only to be stopped by Josh in the hall. He stood there surprised and held a guitar in his hands. “Oh sorry, I was just leaving.” I tried to get past but he stepped in front of me.

“Leaving?” I nodded and pushed past him.

“Yeah, leaving.” I opened the front door and quickly looked back to wave goodbye. Instead of saying goodbye I saw four confused people standing around me.

“Porcelain do-“ I stepped out the door and let it slam behind me just as Josh went to stop me. I couldn’t believe I had told him I was addicted to heroin. I mean, sure everyone knew and he didn’t know why I started in the first place, but I don’t know why I was so open about it to him. I was just happy I didn’t tell him anymore than that.

I walked down the side of the street kicking rocks around and occasionally looking up from my phone. I had only six text messages. All from Lindsay asking if I had done anything “stupid”. I always wondered why she thought killing myself would be stupid. There would be one less useless person on the planet, I wouldn’t be in pain and no one would even care since I’m me. I turned my phone off and saw my reflection on the screen. I cringed at my look and shoved my phone in my pocket. A truck flew past me as I turned the corner onto a much busier street. I looked back to see if there was any more cars and sure enough there was. Josh and Sarah sat in Sarah’s car slowly following behind me. I waved to them and turned away. I stopped dead when I hear then getting closer. “Do you mind? You gave me the choice to leave and I did.”