Torn // In Stereo (Jakob Delgado, Ethan Karpathy & Chris Lanzon)

22. |

// Jakob's point of view //

It seems really weird to think that I might actually have something planned for my birthday. I've never had that before- we usually just do a few small presents and that's it. It's more of the money side of things, though. How would we pay for anything we do? I don't expect anything from anyone, except there's one priceless thing I want. Annabelle's forgiveness. That's what I would like more than anything. I miss her. The time we spent together was the highlight of my time here. So far, since she got angry, I haven't had many good times. Right now I'm sitting in the rooftop courtyard and watching the sun set. Then I hear a voice behind me, but it's a girls voice and I know exactly who it is.

"So it's your birthday next Saturday, huh?"

I turn around to see Annabelle standing there in jeans and a singlet top, her hair tied up in a loose bun. For some reason, I can't help but feel a little bit angry that she's claiming to be angry, but still manages to dangle herself right in front of me. I feel like a cat with a piece of string that it can't touch. So I don't say anything. To be honest, it's starting to hurt me how this is happening. I haven't done anything, but no one believes me.

"Leave me alone."

I am up and walking out of the courtyard before I even register what I'm doing or saying. That could have been my one big chance, but I blew it. I guess I'm just angry and frustrated. She can't just keep walking back in like nothing is wrong. The next day she'll only hate me again. Maybe I can cure my nightmares without relying on other people not hating me. If I get over everything that's getting me down, there will be nothing for me to worry about.

•••

The week is over half way over and I'm glad of it. The homework is piling up and Ethan has us in the studio more than we thought we would be. I sometimes I think that he's going overboard, but I don't want to get into any arguments with him. I can't lose any more friends. The regrets for walking away from Annabelle are still growing in my mind. It's sounding like it was a worse and worse thing to do. I could have fixed everything, but I didn't. Trying to talk to her wouldn't be much help; I've probably hurt her more by doing that. Chris and I are just laying there and not talking when Ethan comes into the room.

"Okay, guys. I've just been in the library and we officially have an Instagram and Facebook page. The YouTube account is coming very soon." He announces, handing both of us a small piece of paper. I look down to see the usernames and passwords for our accounts.

"So how do we get up some support?" I ask, sliding down from the top bunk and listening closer.

"Well, we can busk, have a sign, spread the word around to other local bands." Ethan shrugs, sitting down on the small couch. I sit on the end of Chris' bed and look down at the ground. How is this suddenly working so well?

"Let's go on Saturday." Chris announces.

"We can try, but it's supposed to be really hot on Saturday." I shrug, looking to Ethan. He just shrugs and looks at the both of us, a smile playing on his face. This causes us all to smile and soon no one really cares about the details.

// Chris' point of view //

For some reason, I just can't sleep. It's not exactly late but it's close to midnight, and my eyes are not going to close for a while now. Even the Ed Sheeran playing in my ears isn't helping, and all my emotions are coming to me. Does this happen to you? When you're just laying there and the music just brings out everything that you're feeling? How do all these singers find such perfect scenarios to write about? Do those things actually come to them? I've never even had a girlfriend and the girls I've liked have always ended up liking someone else. I don't think about Annabelle so much anymore, but I know Jakob still does. Girls at my old school didn't really give me a second glance. That always confused me because there were two other boys that sang and they were popular as hell. I think it's something to do with the type of music they sang, though. The song switches to Jacob Whitesides' cover of Hey There Delilah and the tears just find their way into my eyes. They don't fall, they just stay there. This song kind of reminds me of Lara and I, even though our relationship isn't like that.

'Hey there, Delilah, don't you worry about the distance. I'm right here if you get lonely, give this song another listen, close your eyes.'

I love Lara like I love my mum and dad, and she's practically a part of the family. Before, I used to be glad she wasn't here, so I could start over... but now I'm not. I almost wished her away, and I'm so glad I never took any actions on my feelings. No one- not even me- could know what I would do without Lara. For starters, I would I have no friends from my old school. I'm just not usually good at keeping friends. It's a little different here because we're living together. There's no excuse for me to not talk to them. My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a text coming in through my earphones. My heart skips a beat when I see its Lara.

Lara: hey, are you awake?

Chris: yeah, are you okay?

She replies almost straight away and it's almost as though she's reading my mind and mimicking my feelings right now.

Lara: i'm lonely.

Chris: me too, but it's going to be okay.

Lara: can you call? i'm sorry for bothering you, Chris.

Chris: give me a few seconds, I'll get out.

I put down my phone and throw my legs over the edge of my bed, slipping on my shoes without socks. I stand up and leave the room quietly, checking the hallway before walking down it and sneaking up to the courtyard where Annabelle and I used to go. I call Lara back and sit down on a bench, letting the humid air sit around me, hugging my legs up to my chest.

"Hey." I greet as she picks up, but I instantly know something's really up.

"I'm so sorry for texting you so late, I just feel so alone." She cries, obviously trying to keep her voice down.

"Look, it's fine. I couldn't sleep either. How can I help you?"

"Just listen to me. I need to let everything out. Thank you so much for always being here for me." She sobs silently and I can almost see her face in my mind. This causes me to tear up again. This is so sad and depressing. I can't say anything without risking choking up, so I don't. She continues anyway.

"The girls here are so judgemental. I can't do anything right. They aren't trying to be mean, but I get so many looks. I'm so used to hanging out with you like a guy, and these girls are just so confusing. I don't care about my hair and my nails, but they want me to. I miss you so much- everything is a mess. I like a guy Ive barely ever seen and would never feel the same way back. This is all so wrong. Why did we have to get split up? I love you, Chris. I've never told you that, but I do. You're my best friend and I'm never letting us drifting apart. I don't care how far you and the boys go, because I know you will. No matter what, I'm not letting you go. I miss you so, so much, Chris. I'm so sorry I'm crying and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself right now, but I just wanted to tell you. Please don't make me hold on alone. It's late and I don't know what I'm saying, just please don't leave me, Chris." She suddenly pours everything out, but only a few things catch in my mind. I know this is wrong, but one thing in particular is sticking out from what she just said.

She likes a guy she's barely ever seen and would never feel the same way back.

Ethan.

I decide to push everything away and take other things she just said into account. It's like her feelings exactly match mine, and I can't believe she thinks I would actually leave her. Growing up, she's been my only friend. There's no way that's ever going to change.

"Lara, I could never do that. I love you, too, and don't be embarrassed. Please, I'll see you in a few days. Until then, please just keep going. You should sleep, I'll be right here. I'll hang up when you stop talking." I tell her.

We continue to talk back and forth until her replies become shorter and further apart, me sometimes having to wait over twenty seconds for a one word answer. Then, eventually, they do stop, and I hang up.