Torn // In Stereo (Jakob Delgado, Ethan Karpathy & Chris Lanzon)

147. |

// Ethan's point of view //

I don't know how, but Jakob is acting like nothing happened at all, so that's what I'm doing too. I'm wearing a hoodie even though it's not that cold just to hide the hickeys. Right now I'm sitting at the back of the bus, sort of just staring at the road behind us.

"I have something to show you." I hear an amused voice behind me. I turn around to see Chris.

"What is it?" I ask, turning around fully and sitting the right way round on the seat.

"I videoed you while you were drunk." He laughs, unlocking his phone. I see a video on there and am instantly scared as he goes to press play.

"No, reeaally! I love the way your hair falls down your face when you walk." I say drunkenly. I stop walking and reach over towards Chris' head, aiming to touch his hair but poking his nose instead.

"We're almost there." He tells me, having to drag me along as he walks. I'm so embarrassed. I hide in my hoodie, tucking the sleeves under my palms and hiding my face behind my hands.

When we reach the tour bus, Chris takes me inside and to my bed. I almost fall down on the bed and don't move. Instead, I let my own hair fall in front of my face and play with it.

"I'm going to leave you here now, okay? Try to go to sleep." He tells me.

"Okay."

The video ends and I still can't face him. I've never felt more embarrassment in one day. I'm sure if anyone could see my face right now, it would look like a Beetroot. I had never drunk alcohol until last night and I think I fucked more than I have in a long time up.

"Please delete that." I mumble but I'm laughing off the embarrassment.

"I'm never deleting that." Chris just laughs, locking his phone.

I wait a few seconds but then I jump forward, almost grabbing his phone. I lose balance and end up over his lap and rolling onto the floor. Quickly, I recover and stand up but so does Chris, running towards the door. I get there first and block his way, holding my hand out for his phone if he wants to get past.

"Delete it." I try again, but both us are laughing too hard.

"I'm not deleting it." He shakes his head, putting it into his pocket. This makes things harder.

I decide the easiest thing to do now is to tackle him, so I do. I grab him around his waist and pull him to the ground, pinning him there. My hands frantically try to get into his pockets but he's fighting back. I feel his phone under my fingertips and manage to slide it out, but it clatters across the floor just out of reach. My heartbeat quickens, knowing I have to do this quickly. I leap off from on top of him across the floor to his phone, quickly unlocking it and deleting the video.

"Well played, Karpathy, but I synced my phone last night." Chris announces as I hand him my phone, smiling cockily before walking out.

Damn.

•••

It's mine and Jakob's part of She's Rock And Roll and I don't know why I'm getting so emotional. The chorus is coming up so I can lay back a bit and let the boys overpower me. Only one more line.

"And I can't wait to make him mine."

I want to freeze, I want to run off the stage. I said him, not her, and Chris noticed. He looks at me sideways but keeps singing, just like I do, but much quieter. I'm too scared to look up at the audience, so I stare down at the bass I'm playing. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes but I won't let them fall.
This isn't that bad, Ethan. No one noticed, I tell myself.

I finally tear my gaze away from the guitar when the song ends and look up to the crowd. This is the part where I'm supposed to stand centre stage and talk about Kade, then we sing the song 'we' wrote about him. I can't do it though.

"We're going to have to take a tiny break. We'll see you guys again in a second." I announce into the microphone, ignoring the confused stares from Chris and Jakob as I take the guitar strap off from around my neck and place it against an amp. Then I run off stage.

"Ethan, where are you going!?"

"Come back here!"

"You can't do that!"

"Ethan Karpathy, come back right now or I'll call security!"

I ignore all of them, continuing to run to the dressing room. The second I get there, I shut the door behind me and walk in. Not even a second later, the door opens again. I spin around quickly in shock, expecting to see an angry security person, but I see Chris. He doesn't look angry at all and it's sort of calming. That's when the tears start to fall.

"Did anyone else notice?" I have to ask.

"I-I don't know, but they were all videoing, Etho. I think some might have." Chris admits. This makes the tears come harder.

"What do I do?"

"You either need to cover it up and find an excuse, or you need to come out. It's up to you." He tells me. 

"I'm going to be sick."

I turn and run to the bathroom, leaning my hands on the toilet bowl and throwing up. I close my eyes, blocking the tears and ignoring the smell. Chris walks in and gets me to stand up, flushing the toilet. He hands me a tissue which I wipe my mouth with.

"God, Ethan, your shirt." He says sympathetically. I don't even have to look down to know it has vomit on it. I cry harder.

"Why do I always screw up?" I ask, sitting down on a chair.

"You don't," he replies, sorting through the small rack of clothes. "But there are no more shirts in your size."

"That's just fucking perfect." I groan, standing up again.

"I'll go up a size. Just wear this." Chris announces. I look to see him pulling off his shirt and throwing it to me.

"Chris, I'll just wear something bigger. Don't worry." I sniff, going to throw the shirt back but getting cut off.

"You're tiny, Ethan. Just wear it."

I take a deep breath and pull on the shirt. While Chris is searching for another one, I walk over to the mirror and search through the make up kit. I've seen this being done many times. It shouldn't be that hard, right? All I need to do is hide the bags under my eyes.

It doesn't turn out that badly. By the time I turn around, Chris has a new shirt and is just fixing his hair. He looks at me and then nods, signalling it's time to go back out there. I step forward and wrap him up in a hug, whispering thank you's against his chest. Then I pull away and laugh nervously.

"Apparently Jake is out there talking to the audience. He told them you just aren't feeling well." He tells me.

"We better hurry up, then." I laugh at the thought of Jakob out there alone.

Chris and I run through the hallways, straight past all of the crew members and back onstage. Jakob is sitting on an amp, a microphone in his hand.

"You feeling better, man?" He asks, standing up and handing me the microphone.

"Sorry, guys, I just had to sort something out. Now I'm thinking straight, shall we continue?"

The rest of the show goes more smoothly than I expected. By the end, I've almost forgotten about my little mistake. Almost. The lights dim and the crowd starts screaming, which means it's over.

"Thank you everyone!" I yell into the microphone, grabbing my bass and running offstage.

I don't go to the after party. Firstly, I don't want a repeat of last time. Secondly, crew members will be there and I don't want any questions. Instead I go to bed and call my Mum. After that, I fall asleep.