Torn // In Stereo (Jakob Delgado, Ethan Karpathy & Chris Lanzon)

81. |

// Jakob's point of view //

Ethan and I make our way down onto a little secluded part of the beach. We had to climb over a few rocks but now we're sitting on a little patch of sand hidden away from plain sight. My heart still beats fast as my brain races through the possibilities of what this might be about.

"I need to talk about our relationship." He says, but that does nothing to calm my nerves.

"W-what about it?" I unintentionally stutter, Ethan obviously senses my discomfort and reaches out to place his fingers on mine in the sand.

"I think Chris is on to us and he can't find out. From after this conversation and on, I can't show any affection towards you when we're not completely alone. I'll try my best to make time for us but I'm not risking it when we don't have to." He tells me slowly. It takes a few seconds for this to sink in.

"Ethan, we have to tell people. What's the point in this if we have to be so careful all the time? What are you ashamed of?" I ask, trying not to sound too harsh. All of a sudden, Ethan tilts his head forward and I see a tear drop onto the sand. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do now.

"I'm not ashamed to be with you, Jake. I promise. It's not that. The other people I love don't respect that stuff, though, okay? I don't know about you but I know I'm fully gay and that is so scary for me. If we tell the truth about this, we could potentially lose our careers. I'm so scared, okay? I've never been more scared in my entire life." He pours everything out, gripping onto my hand tighter. There's something else that slipped out of his mouth in that sentence, too. Other people that he loves. Does he love me? I want to hold him in my arms and tell him how I feel about him but I can't. Not here. Especially not after that conversation. Instead I say the most stupid thing I could possibly think of.

"We should go home."

Surprisingly, Ethan just nods and stands up. I follow him as we walk back out onto the main beach. That's when my phone buzzes, signalling I have a text.

Chris: I got bored and went out to buy ice cream and go for a walk. Did you find him?

I text back.

Jakob: I found him. We might be a little longer so take your time.

"Chris is gone. Let's go back now." I say, turning to Ethan and seeing his eyes light up. That's when we start running. Our five minute walk turns into a three minute run and soon we are in the hotel elevator, ready to race each other to our room. I get there first and unlock the door.

"I think you win." Ethan pants, walking further into the room. I follow him until he leans up against the wall by my room. He's catching his breath but seeing him in that position is just too inviting.

After a few moments, I take a few steps closer to him, followed by a couple more, and then another couple more until my forehead is resting on his. I close the gap between our lips and instantly feel like I'm in heaven. His mouth tastes like cinnamon and I don't even know how. I smile against his bottom lip and let my teeth graze it before sliding my tongue in. This cinnamon has just got me wrapped around his little finger. That's when he pushes me away with a smirk hidden behind his eyes. Ethan places his hands on my shoulders and walks me backwards, staring straight into my eyes the whole time. We walk into his room and his pace quickens until the back of my knees hit the bed. I fall back and he falls on top of me, kissing me hard. Our tongues resume the same spots as before and I know this time I'm not going to be able to hold it back.

"You taste so good." I can't help but let out a small moan, feeling another smirk against my lips.

I feel Ethan's fingers tugging at the hem of my jumper and sit up a bit so he can slide it over my head and toss it to the side. With Ethan on me like this, I could never be cold. The heat in this kiss would be enough to keep me warm for a very long time. I slide my hands up his stomach over his shirt first but then under, working my way up. Ethan moves from my lips and down to my neck. He knows what I like. He easily finds my soft spot and lightly sucks on it, causing a moan to escape from my lips. I can hear him laugh softly through his nose so I know he's happy with what he's doing. The only problem now is that he's turning me on faster than a bullet train and I have no chance of stopping myself. I need to get out of here, but this is so good. He moves his kisses back to my lips and it instantly becomes heated again. Just then, though, Ethan's thigh slips in between my legs and I know I'm busted. He pulls away quickly and looks me straight in the eye, his mouth slightly parted in shock as though he doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do either so I sort of stare back at him with a sorry expression on my face. I want to cry.

"Jake... I can feel that." Ethan finally breaks the silence, rolling back so that he's propping himself up on his forearm. I have to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before opening them again.

"I want to go further." I blurt out, embarrassing myself. I can't bring myself to look at him.

"We can't. I know it's hard but we can't, okay? It's illegal and we don't have protection or anything. I want our first time to be special and not just caught up in the moment. Plus, I want as much time as possible when we do it because I want to make sure you feel as special as you are." He says the last part barely above a whisper, trailing his thumb up my jawline. If I didn't know better not to, I would have reached up and kissed him again.

"I understand," I reply, swallowing hard and continuing, "just let me know when you're ready so I can plan something really romantic for you."

"You make me fall for you more every day." Ethan whispers, leaning down to plant a kiss on my forehead before collapsing on the pillow next to me. He snuggles his face into my neck and allows me to slide my arm around him, pulling him into me. I know we can't fall asleep because Chris will be back any minute, but we can at least rest.