Torn // In Stereo (Jakob Delgado, Ethan Karpathy & Chris Lanzon)

143. |

*three weeks later*

// Ethan's point of view //

"So today we are proud to announce, 'The Kade Evans Memorial Tour'." I announce into the camera. I've practised that line so many times, not wanting my voice to crack as I say it. I'm staying strong.

"We'll be coming to every state in Australia this August, and tickets will go on sale tomorrow night at 7:00pm. We can't wait to see you there." Jakob concludes. Tim shuts off the camera and I can finally drop my smile.

I'm acting a lot stronger for the fans than I really am, even though I'm stronger than three weeks ago. I can go a day without crying now. Every day I read his letter; I can now recite it word for word. I can hear it in his voice, but it's slowly fading. One day I'll forget what he sounds like and the best part of that is that I won't mind. He'll always be a part of me whether he's here or not. I am recovering and I am proud of myself. Just like I know Kade is proud of me.

•••

The comments are blowing up. I've been sitting here all night, reading all of them. Some of them are mean, telling us we shouldn't waste our concerts on people that don't matter. Most of them are excited, completely ignoring who the concert is really for. Kade. I'll let them think what they want; it's always better that way.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Chris asks as he walks into my room with a nervous laugh.

"We've already announced it." I reply, not taking my eyes from my screen.

"What are you doing?" He asks, sitting on my bed next to me.

"Looking at comments."

"Why would you waste your tour on a friend who died? People die every day. He was nothing special." Chris reads out, hurt laced in his tone.

"I'm ignoring them," I tell him. "You should too."

"Are you sure you can do this? Play 7 states, constantly thinking of him? You can't cry and you can't stop." He asks slowly.

"I have to. For me and for him." I say. It's true though. If I don't do this, I'll never forgive myself.

Chris sits next to me until I reach the bottom of the comments. Then he reaches over and shuts the laptop, taking it from me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, trying to take it back.

"You're not reading anything else about him today. The news articles will be out soon and I'm not tempting you." He explains.

"Can we do something then?" I ask.

"Can you do something with Jake? I'm going to take a nap." Chris tells me guiltily.

"SIR JAKE THE DISTRACTION IS HERE!" Someone shouts, appearing in the doorway.

"Uh, are you okay?" I ask, laughing at how stupid he looks posing the way he is, with one hand on his hip.

"Dude, you've never looked gayer but that's great. I best be off." Chris laughs before standing up and walking past Jakob. He just smiles and looks at me.

"What do you wanna do?" He asks, walking into my room with his arms swinging.

"Can we swim? Or is it too cold?" I suggest, sliding off my bed and standing up.

"No, it's nice outside. I'll meet you out there in five minutes." Jakob smiles, walking out.

I quickly change and walk out into the lounge room, finding Jakob laying on the couch shirtless with his towel over him. He sits up when he sees me and moves off of the couch and to the door.

"You ready?" He asks as he places his hand on the door handle.

"Yep."

Jakob and I walk up to the pool in a silence that isn't as awkward as I thought it would be. He and I have gotten closer again and have both put all of the past behind us. Well, that's what I've done... I'm pretty sure he's decided to do the same. We haven't actually had a formal conversation about this, but, to be honest, I'm not sure I want to have that conversation.

We enter the pool area and put our stuff down on a chair. I pull of my shirt and turn around, seeing Jakob already jumping in. He surfaces, pushing his hair out of his face.

"Come on!" He calls.

I run and jump in a couple of metres away from him. When I come up, I do the same as him and push my hair back. We splash around for a little bit before Jakob speaks.

"There's something I want you to know."

"What?" I ask, a little scared. He swims a little closer and then starts to tread water.

"I talked to Kade the day he... The day it happened." Jakob tells me, looking down at the water. I didn't know this.

"How?"

"I flew in that morning, remember? I went to the hotel and bumped into him. He asked me really nicely to not go up there until you were gone, and then we sat down for coffee to pass the time. We made up, Ethan, but it just didn't feel right. That's why I was so cautious about going to the hospital. And I wasn't going to go to the funeral because I felt like I didn't deserve to cry over him being gone." He suddenly pours everything out, looking down at the water.

"I don't want to talk about Kade right now. He's gone and I need to work on composing myself for this whole tour. Thank you but I'm trying to avoid him." I say, fighting the tears that are trying to make their way into my eyes.

"Oh, of course."

"So are you excited for this?" I ask, changing the subject and turning around, swimming away.

"I can't believe we're touring the entire country!" Jakob announces, a splash echoing through the room. "It's going to be amazing!"