The Lucky One//twd

041. If I had stayed

Madison's POV

Some nights, it feels like the whole world's just holding its breath.

No walkers against the fences. No wind. No crying. Just silence, heavy and thick.

Like even the world's too tired to keep going.

I sat on the catwalk above the C-block entrance, knees tucked to my chest, chin resting on top of them. My hoodie sleeves were pulled over my hands like they could protect me from the cold that never really left my bones.

Below, the others moved through their routines like clockwork. Cleaning weapons. Making food. Holding what little we had together.

I watched them like a stranger.

It's not that I didn't want to feel something.

I just didn't know how anymore.

⸻

He found me again

Blake always knew where I'd go.

Maybe that should've bothered me. It didn't.

I heard his boots before I saw him — slow, steady steps climbing the narrow stairwell. He didn't call out my name. Didn't ask if I was okay.

He just sat beside me, dropping his legs over the edge of the catwalk.

"You gonna sit there 'til morning again?" he asked gently.

I didn't respond. Just shrugged.

"I brought you something." He reached into his jacket, pulling out a slightly dented can of peaches.

He held it out like a peace offering.

I took it with quiet hands, not looking at him.

"Did you eat?" he asked.

I opened the can, took a bite, nodded. Another lie.

⸻

We sat in silence after that. Not uncomfortable. Not warm either. Just... still.

The air between us buzzed with the kind of energy that felt like it had nowhere to go.

I finally glanced at him.

His eyes were already on me.

That same look he always gave me lately — like he was trying to hold me together with his stare alone.

"You keep looking at me like I'm gonna fall apart," I muttered.

He tilted his head. "You already did."

That stung more than I expected.

I swallowed hard and looked away.

⸻

I felt it — the shift.

Something between us was heavier tonight. Tighter. Like we were both standing at the edge of something and didn't know what would happen if we stepped forward.

"You didn't ask what happened with Tomas," I said suddenly.

"I didn't have to," Blake replied. "I know you."

"You did know me," I said, voice hollow. "Not anymore."

He looked at me, really looked, and I felt it in my gut.

"You're still in there, Mads," he said. "You're just... buried."

I laughed bitterly. "Buried's a good word for it."

⸻

He didn't move away when I leaned toward him.

Didn't pull back when I got too close.

I could feel his breath on my face. I watched his throat work as he swallowed, saw his jaw tense.

He wanted to kiss me.

Part of me wanted him to.

Just to feel something again. Anything.

But instead, the pressure cracked.

⸻

Time had passed.

"I should've been there," I whispered, almost choking on the words.

Blake's brow furrowed. "What?"

"When Shane died," I said, louder now. "I should've been there. Maybe if I had—"

"You're seventeen, Madison—"

"He was my brother!" I snapped.

The words shot from my mouth like bullets, louder than I'd meant, sharper than I'd wanted.

"I watched him fall apart," I said. "I watched Rick cut pieces out of him until there was nothing left but that haunted, empty look. And I just stood there."

My throat burned.

Blake opened his mouth, but I wasn't done.

"He raised me. After Mom and Dad—he did everything. He went crazy trying to protect me, and I didn't even try to stop him."

My voice cracked at the end.

"I didn't try to save him."

⸻

Tears fell before I even knew I was crying.

"I was so angry at him," I whispered. "For changing. For scaring me. But maybe if I'd just... held on a little longer, maybe he wouldn't have snapped."

My hands were shaking.

"I hate him," I choked. "And I miss him so much I can't even breathe."

And there it was.

All of it. Out loud. Finally.

Everything I'd been carrying. All the nights I'd curled into myself and begged to disappear. Every bit of grief I hadn't let anyone see.

I couldn't stop sobbing.

Blake moved beside me, slow and sure.

Then his hands were on my face, brushing tears off my cheeks with his thumbs.

"It wasn't your job to save him," he said, voice low. "It wasn't."

"But he was all I had—"

"You still have people, Madison."

I looked at him.

His face was so close to mine.

"I'm right here," he whispered. "I've always been here."

⸻

Then he kissed me.

Not rough. Not desperate.

Just... calm.

Like he was trying to ground me with his lips alone.

My hands gripped his jacket without realizing. I kissed him back — shaky, messy, but real. And for a moment, the world didn't feel so far away.

When we broke apart, his forehead rested against mine.

"You don't have to carry it alone," he whispered. "Not anymore."

⸻

After

We didn't say anything else.

We just sat there, shoulders touching, watching the dark sky through the broken windows.

I didn't feel fixed. I wasn't whole.

But for the first time in a long time...

I wasn't alone either.