Burn the light

Chapter 18

I want to thank every single person who is reading my book. I am so grateful for each of you. I hope you appreciate this story. 𖹭

☆☆☆

How is it possible to live twenty three years without feeling anything romantically towards a boy and then feel something for two different men?

These feelings are strange to me, a problem I can not solve. An equation that should have contained only two values but now contained three.

It was as if my heart was anticipating something. It would beat faster as I thought of Hayes or Eiran. My stomach would slightly contract. And my thoughts... It seemed I could not think clearly. As if the emotions were too complicated to be put into sentences. Feelings so intense, you could only... feel them.

I knew my feelings for Eiran were more than ones you experience towards a friend. But Eiran was like the sun. You could feel his warmth from land. You could find comfort in his presence. But you could never attain such a level of perfection that would allow you to get close without being consumed. You could only watch from afar.

Hayes... Hayes was as good as Eiran. More open, more welcoming. Perhaps he could be the moon. I didn't need to shine too brightly and emit energy to get close to him. I could be stardust and he would allow me to share the sky with him.

Eiran made me feel utterly seen while Hayes made me feel safe.

I just couldn't stop thinking about... when did all of this happen?

When did I start feeling safe around Hayes? The type that permits you to feel safe to exist, to just be. Like your soul finds comfort in somebody else's presence without needing to hide any part of it.

The rural landscape gives way to the city lights as we approach London. Alessio and I haven't spoken a word during the drive.

I wore a short black dress as he asked but I still didn't know where he was taking us and why. My thoughts right now were filled with conflicting feelings towards Eiran and Hayes that I didn't question his sudden want to take me out.

The car stops and the door opens for me. I quietly thank the man, dressed in suits, as I exit the car. Alessio gives him the key car before walking.

There is a crowd of people waiting to go inside the place Alessio parked in front of. I do not have time to look at the building. He walks us towards a different door and shows a black card to the man guarding the door. The worker automatically steps aside to let us in.

We walk through a dark corridor, his hand is gripping my wrist softly to make sure I stay close. Muffled sounds soon become loud music as he opens the door at the end of the passage. I take a step closer, confused but curious to what I will find behind it but he stops me by turning my way, his body blocking the sight.

His expression is firm as he looks at me.

"You stay close to me. You don't wander away." He instructs with a commanding tone. "Got it?"

I nod. He seems to analyze my expression before finally stepping inside the place.

He does not release his grip from my wrist and I am grateful for it because as soon as I see what is inside, I need something to grind me to reality.

We are in a secluded area, away from the crowd. We have a clear view of what is displayed downstairs. The nightclub is filled with people dancing, drinking, flirting. 

I have gone to such a place before with Sam and Matthew but this... this is out of my comfort zone.

There are small podiums situated on different parts of the room and standing on them – women. Women in white lingerie dancing intimately as people look at them shouting and trying to touch them. Some of the performers smile suggestively in response to the attention they receive, others have an absent expression as if they are not really there anymore and are dancing robotically while their minds are somewhere else.