Burn the light

Chapter 19

Sarah would have never tried to make me work in this place.

We did the same studies, we have the same degree. She would have never thought I would consider such a job even in need of money.

"You are mistaken." I say, not believing the white card I have been given by her is connected to this.

"This is the vip card" He says showing the black card he used to let us in. "This is the employees' card." He continues, waving the white card. "And no, they are not looking for programmers in such a place. The women working here all have the same job."

I shake my head no, refusing to believe what he is implying.

Alessio's words hurt me previously but we did not know each other that much. I have studied in the same class as Sarah for years. She showed me compassion, she stated that everything will turn out fine.

"You didn't know." He says, his features showing disbelief before realization seems to settle in. His eyebrows scrunch, his jaw tightens and even in the dark, I can see his gray eyes darkening. "You didn't know." He repeats, this time in a somber tone.

I understand better now why Alessio wanted to take me out all of a sudden while we haven't exchanged a word in days. His earlier cruel words are making more sense now that I am realizing he thought I intended to work such a job.

I believe him. His reaction is clearly showing the truth.

But why is he so affected by the fact I didn't know?

"Who gave this to you?" he asks me.

"No one." I reply, not wanting to explain what has happened..

This is embarrassing. An old classmate, someone who is my peer, made me believe that she understood what I was going through. She even went so far as to say I will find something equal to my worth. Was this what I was worth to her eyes?

For months, I have tried not to run into my ex-classmates, afraid they will judge my current situation. But these thoughts were supposed to be only pure imagination. Things that would actually never happen because the mind always tries to think of the worst-case scenarios.

But what is happening right now is worse than any scenario I have ever imagined.

To believe I am not worthy of working an intellectual role in computer science but be better at dancing in lingerie in a nightclub... It embarasses me but also, deep down, well hidden, a part of me is infuriated. The same part who cursed at Alessio a few minutes ago. A part of me that believes I do not deserve what is happening to me.

"Aether." He says my name, waiting for an answer.

"Does it really matter?" I ask, as my anger slowly subdues, leaving only exhaustion.

I am exhausted. I thought life could not turn worse but it keeps proving me otherwise.

"It does." He takes a step closer, not tearing his gaze away from my eyes. "If you give me a name, I can make them regret doing that to you. I will make them regret it." He corrects himself.

The somber expression on his face, the way his fists are tightened, the determination in his eyes... They make me believe he actually would do it.

"It doesn't matter." I disagree.

The damage has already been done.

"It does!" He says firmly. "I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if you went there alone."

He despises me. It should not matter to him what happens to me.

"Nothing. I would not have agreed to be a... to be a stripper." I say the last word with difficulty, ashamed of this situation. Ashamed of the job opportunity Sarah believed would be good for me.