Burn the light

Chapter 10

I have received a lot of rejection emails for jobs I have applied to, which is very humbling... 
Enjoy this new chapter!

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The uneasiness in my stomach keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I have asked Hayes that we dined together in a restaurant. I was not ready to confront the reality of it all. Hayes paid for our dinner, and I have felt bad because I didn't eat much.

He tried to distract me from my problems but I was too tired and too stressed to laugh or even to smile. When he understood that I was not going to calm down until I had a good night of sleep, he decided it was time to go.

We took the rest of the food to go, in case I would be hungry later on, considering the lingering look Hayes gave me, he hoped it would be the case. He also bought food for Eiran and Alessio which made my stomach turn. I was hoping they would not be there when we arrived. Call me a coward. I was not afraid to admit it.

The same alley Eiran drove me one time, to their house, was not as alluring as it was the first time. The first time, I had been in awe of the vast area and could only imagine how peaceful it would feel to live in such a place. The vastness was alluring, I imagined myself running on the grass and dancing under the rain.

But now... it feels like the more we drive towards their house, the more I distance myself from an exit, unabling me to flight.

I am supposed to be brave tonight when I have never felt more weak.

Hayes takes my hand in his, applying pressure and I am grateful to him. Grateful for him.

"Whenever you're ready." he says, not pressuring me to get out of his car.

"I'm sorry." I mutter.

"For what?" he asks, confused.

"Your day has been ruined because of me."

"I wanted to see you, that is what I called you. You did not ruin anything."

"I have, by talking about my problems."

"You said I was such a good... friend," The word is restrained as if he had hoped for another word. I nod. "Friends are there for the good moments and the bad ones. Like family."

Family... My family rejected me and was not there for me during any of those moments. But I understood the concept even if I had not been able to experience it by my own blood.

"If Eiran does not want to see me anymore, would you still be my friend?" I ask, my eyes probably shining.

"I will always be your friend. I promise."

I could really use a friend right now. One who knows everything but does not judge.

With the sentence he said I knew I was ready to affront what was going to happen. I would still have a friend by the end of the night but it breaks my heart to think I might lose one. Eiran and I may have not known each other for a long time but his presence seemed to have clicked something into place for me.

If I had to describe Eiran as something it would be time. With him, time seems to stop. He stopped mine when he entered my life and I knew that life will be different the moment he exits it. Being around him is like reading. You are so immersed in what you are experiencing that you forget everything that is going on around you.

I squeeze Hayes hand before getting out of the car. He takes the food in the backseat and sends me one last glance, one last chance to decide I was not ready for this, before opening the door.