Spitfire

Chapter 15

That night was the Full Moon Surf Fest and i was excited, i was going to get to meet more surfers my age. There were some that i had met before, but there was a lot more of them tonight. Standing out on my porch around 9 i spotted rocky sitting down on the steps of his. Last night was a shock to me, i honestly didn't think he liked me that much and we were 3 years apart for goodness sakes. i put some music in to drown out my thoughts but it didn't work to well because a love song came on and rocky immediately came to mind. I screamed in pure frustration and some of the boys came tearing out of the house and i just put my head in my hands. Rocky had stood up and looked over, he was probably concerned, great for him. Throwing off my shoes and socks i walked off down the beach putting my toes in the water.

"Why me, why does my life have to absolutely suck sometimes," i sat in the sand wrapping my arms around my legs and looked up at the moon. There comes a time in your life when you just can't stand it anymore. Too much stuff has happened to you, even though you know it isn't your time, you want to leave this wretched earth anyway. I feel dead and broken most of the time, the depression kicks in and i can't seem to push it away. I haven't cut before, but i have been tempted. I haven't attempted suicide, but i did want to the day i found out my dad had passed away. I dont believe in god, never have, never will, But i know there is some higher power up there. Something that has made me strong enough to handle all this pain and suffering. Something that made it so i could finally escape the prison i was born into. You keep yourself strong, you put walls up. Peoples walls can be so hard to break, I despise when people try to break mine. I have never really cried, nor have i exploded in anger. I am a rock guarded in a castle, there is almost nothing that can actually get to me. There are days that i want to give in and show the real me, but i don't know if that is ever going to happen. I actually remember my first and only meltdown, it was in front of Blake.

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"Oh yeah, i remember that, i got the worst beating of my life that night you bastard! you know what i don't want any contact with you or Ranger ever again, did you think that just maybe my "father" losing his only son would make him worse, that just maybe he would go drink his sorrows away, oh and then only to come home and beat the crap outta me!?" i was being extremely sassy and it felt nice to get all this out for once. "Oh yeah, and you knew about the abuse, i know you saw the bruises, the injuries, all of that stuff. If you really cared about me you would have done something before i started writing back and forth with my so called guardian angel! and then here i am going to school, you could have come visit me, my parents put you on the list to visit and pick me up, maybe taking me out to lunch or taking me away from this hellhole! do you think i really want to stay here? hell no i don't, i just dont want to go through a bunch of drama and never see my darned flesh and blood again, no matter how much they hurt me, they are family, i knew my dad had a son, oh yeah didn't expect that coming did you! i knew it for a little bit but since i was so young i paid no mind and forgot about it, but when you mentioned that he was allegedly dead to my "parents", well it all came back to me, you two are fucking lying assholes!" i caught my breath before i continued "I am strong and smart, i don't want to change my life, or burden anyone else." he started to protest but i stopped him "This life, the one i am faced with, i have obstacles and challenges every day, but despite that i push through, thats what has made me who i am and thats what will take me far in life"

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It was before i found out that ranger was actually my dad and not my brother. It was the first time i really realized that i could do something with my life, escape. I was 5 at the time, too young and too scared to actually do anything though. Eventually i found my escape after Ranger abandoned me for the 3rd time on my 9th birthday, thats when i grew to hate him, I would never truly forgive him for that. My watched beeped signaling that it was 10, i looked up to see the moon shining bright and decided that i would start surfing early.

I layed on my board my legs dangling in the water staring at the moon. After surfing for a while i got a bit bored and decided to rest until the rest of the kids got here. "Hey Ren, can i talk to you for a second?" i turned my head so i was looking at rocky and shrugged "I guess" he paddled up next to me "Look im sorry for what i did last night, that was stupid of me, though i do really like you" I sighed and sat up on my elbows "Rocky, its not that i don't like you back, its just there is a lot in my life, and i dont want to have a relationship until i'm older" He tried to say something but i glared at him "I know you would wait, but trust me in this, it won't work out and i apologize for that." he sighed before nodding then paddled out to catch a wave. I heard a bunch of racket on shore so i picked up a wave and rode in to shore. i swore there was like 50 kids there, most with boards and some without. I gaped at them then they all started to notice that i was there, rocky rode in next to me "Yo guys, this is Ren, she's staying here with her uncle Max, you all remember ranger and his group of friends. Also, unfortunately ranger recently passed away in" I chose this moment to punch him in the gut "at least have the decency to warn me before you are going to start talking about him! you know how close i was with him!" i practically yelled at him, taking my chance i ran out into the waves.

Rocky's POV

I watched her run off into the waves and banged my fist against my head, I am so stupid! "Anyways, he passed away in combat recently. That is all the information i got and we will all miss him dearly. As you heard Ranger and Ren were extremely close so she is grieving right now, she doesn't want help or pity so just treat as if nothing happened." They nodded and ran into the waves. I guess i must have spaced out because next thing i know my best friend Marcus was waving his hand in front of my face "Yo Rocky, you in there? surfs up!" i blinked and backed up slightly snapping out of it "Uh, oh yeah, lets go!" he laughed at me and we paddled out into the freezing cold water.