The Fallen Widow

Chapter 24: Grief Broken

The dinner invite didn't arrive. Hoorayn wasn't sure why but she accepted in silence. The next few days that followed she saw very little of Shah Nawaz. The silence and peace in the haveli felt like an illusion; like something bad would happen soon. Malaikah refused to speak to anyone and Hoorayn spent time with the children. Fiza was present in the haveli; leading with confidence.
However, it was Shah Nawaz, Hoorayn was concerned about. When enquiring about him they informed him he wasn't eating regularly.
"He refuses breakfast and dinner. He has taken the news of his father quite bad."

"Where is he?"

"It's a surprise because usually he's at the construction site or the lands. But now, he rarely leaves his haveli."

"He's alone?"

The maid shrugged her shoulders and left.

That afternoon her appointment with the physio went well. She advised Hoorayn to move her arm gently, with simple exercises but resting her arm in the sling. Later, Hoorayn went to see Dai ama hoping to see concern in her eyes for Shah Nawaz. Dai ama took advantage of the luxury life in the haveli as the maids massaged her calves and her shoulders with scentful oils. Hoorayn asked Dai ama about Shah Nawaz's change in mood.

"He is a son who has lost his father; of course he will want to be alone. Let him pass the waves of grief. Soon he will be back to normal." Dai ama lay face down on her bed as the maids stood on her back, with one foot making her way down her shoudlers.

It didn't feel right to Hoorayn to allow him to pass through grief on his own.

"He's not eating; I asked the maids." Her voice rose with concern.

"He is a man; he will soon feel hungry and ask a bull to be sacrificed to fill his plate. Don't fret. You rest your shoulder."

That evening Hoorayn decided to make something special for Shah Nawaz, maybe he would eat something small? When she approached the kitchen she could hear the maids talking about his lack of intrest in food and stood outside listening without being seen. The kitchen was the hub of activity and gossip and maybe this was the right place to learn about the haveli.

"I have never seen Choudhary Shah Nawaz like this before." Said one maid.

"He has been so reserved and hasn't spoken much." She continued.

"He will be fine once he goes to the city and visits his favourite courtesan- all Choudhary  men have a way to deal with pain and grief."

Hoorayn's heart dropped to the floor on hearing this.
"It's what they do." Said another maid. "The pretty feet of a dancer, and the sway of her hips makes these men forget about their sadness. Dilruba is stunning- she will fix him. She always has done."

Hoorayn was gobsmacked on hearing this. Not only was it normal for Choudhary men to ride through their feelings, but they would drink and visit the courtesans to deal with their grief. Would Shah Nawaz return to the city to his courtesan? Hoorayn felt a stab of jealousy.

Quickly, Hoorayn rushed back to her bedroom unable to digest what she was hearing. She saw Dilruba once dancing at the haveli, and found her mesmerising. She was a stunning woman with beautiful movements like mercury, why wouldn't Shah Nawas be under her spell? She feared that he was shunning himself away from her and would seek comfort from the courtesan's bosom? She looked in the mirror at her broken self. She took off the sling and threw it away releasing her arm. She poked her cheeks plumping them and pouted her lips searching for beauty, she was nothing compared to Dilruba. She opened the wardrobe and searched for an attractive dress. Something with a splash of colour, but not too much as the haveli was in mourning. She couldn't wear a dress over her head, due to her healing arm, only a front opening dress. Tonight, she had to see Shah Nawaz, who knew he could have already left to go to the city and 'fix' himself with nights of drinking and dancing.