I used to hate many things in this world. Like how I had always disliked boys. I always thought that they were egotistical and self-centered pigs who thought of themselves as gifts from God, when in fact, they were nothing, but just muscles and no brains. I had no use of the likes of them.
Then, there’s the topic of Love. What was it really? What did it really mean? Why was everyone going crazy over it? It was just a stupid word, anyway. There was nothing special behind it. It was just a stupid word used by stupid people to defend their idiocy and I had no use of it.
But, of course, life would always find a way to prove me wrong. It would always be a bitch and would throw me into the most foolish situations. It would always mock me, and I couldn’t do anything about it. Yeah, fate played with me and I fell in love with the most self-absorbed guy that ever walked on this earth.
Hell, I fell in love...
He had the most perfect sea-green eyes that I have ever seen. They sparkled with mirth whenever he laughed and mirrored every emotion that he felt. He also had the coolest voice which would always penetrate my soul and made me shiver whenever I heard it. His height, his muscles, his everything... they made my heart thump wildly. I just couldn’t get enough of him!
I wanted him.
“Alex!”
My world was in slow motion when he slowly turned to face me with a questioning look. The blonde strands of his hair were swaying with the wind and I suddenly had the urge to run my fingers through them. I wanted to have a feel of him...
Transfixed, I walked towards him slowly, clutching the silver locket in my hands. I had a hard time focusing on what I was planning to do because of his eyes that was probing me. It held amusement and wonder at the foolishness that I was doing.
“This is for you,” I whispered when I held out the locket in front of him. He seemed confused at first, but then he looked at me with a glint of glee in his sea green eyes and took the thing from my grip. He gave me his proud and arrogant smile like he had just won something important, and I melted.
Heck! Who would have thought that someone like me would be drooling at the sight of his perfect smile? I, Amie, who never paid attention to the guys that made a fool of themselves just to catch my attention, was struck with Cupid’s arrow. Wow. It was really hilarious, but I didn’t care. I loved him. I really loved him.
“Alex.”
“Alex?”
“Alex!”
His name was constantly at the tip of my tongue, ready to be uttered whenever he was near. He knew that I loved him and that he was the only one for me; and as conceited as he was, he took pride on it. I could see it on the way he carried his self whenever we walked side by side, and I felt proud, too! I felt that I was the queen and he was the king. It was the first time, but I felt happy seeing someone walk around with me by his side like I was a trophy. For the first time, I was pleased with Love.
“Please be with me,” I pleaded with my eyes as I knelt in front of him with the whole class gaping at us. I saw the delight in his eyes and the wide grin that formed on his mouth. He was clearly happy about this. All along, I knew that he would never make the first move, so I took the initiative. I couldn’t bear to be just his friend. I wanted him.
And I got what I wanted. We became a couple and I was so happy that with our constant conversations, I found out that he was considering a future with me. I was exhilarated. The idea of being his wife would be perfect. Now, I wanted him more.
I wanted him so much to the point that I would give him anything he wanted. I wanted him. I loved him. So, I gave him my all. I gave him everything that I owned. Everything... and I was happy.
But like as always, fate would intervene whenever I was happy. Life would always be a bitch. Destiny would never take my side.
“Alex!”
“Amie!”
I tried so hard to look at where we were going. We’re lost in the woods where we were camping and we couldn’t find the way back. Darkness enveloped us and though Alex’s hand that was interlocked with mine felt so warm, it didn’t ward off the panic that clutched at my chest. The heavy downpour added with it and I was trembling with fear.
“Alex!”
I tried to reach out to him, but he suddenly disappeared. My heart was thumping wildly. I frantically looked around the darkness, until a shrill scream penetrated my frightened state.
“Amie! Help me!”
And there was my heart, clinging on a jutting root of a tree and dangling at the edge of a cliff. I scrambled to reach him and held out my hand for him to take. The rain was an obstacle to pull him up because it made our hands slippery and he was slipping out of my grip.
“Amie, please, don’t let go.” He tried to tighten his hold, but he was slipping. I could see fear in his eyes after he glanced at the bottom of the cliff. I knew that with the height of this cliff, it would only take a miracle to survive a drop.
“Amie...”
I looked straight into his eyes and I saw the weakness that he has been hiding inside. I saw how weak he really was. I saw how the wheels in his head were already turning to plot a plan to save himself and I knew what that was. I could see it in his eyes. I could feel it on the tightness of his grip. I knew all along, that between saving me or his life, he would no doubt choose to save his own. It was in his nature. He only loved his self.
“You know that I love you, right, Alex?” I tasted my tears as it mixed with the raindrops that were falling on me. It was salty to the taste, as salty as the pain that blossomed in my chest. “I love you so much that it pains me whenever I think that someday, I could lose you. I shouldn’t entertain those thoughts because I know that you love me and you would never leave me. Right, Alex? You would always protect and would take care of me. You would never hurt me.”
I was crying uncontrollably. Our grip was starting to loosen and I could see panic in his eyes. “Amie, what are you doing? Please don’t cry. I love you, Amie, so please, hold on. Don’t let go of me, Amie.”
“Why? Why Alex? If I was in your position now, would you save me? Would you lift me up and would not let me fall?”
I saw guilt passed by his sea green orbs and I cried some more. I knew it. I knew, but I tried to ignore it. I loved him so much that I became blind to what was obvious. Yes, he loved me, but he loved his self more.
“I love you, Alex,” I whispered at him while slowly letting go of his hand. His eyes widened with horror at what I was doing and he desperately clung to my hand.
“Amie! Amie! Save me! I’m sorry! I love you! Save me, Amie!”
It was painful to watch tears cascade down his perfect face and I was sure that it was a blow to his ego that he had to beg me for his life. But I was already sure of what I wanted. I was sure of what I should do.
“I love you.”
With one last statement of love, I opened my hands and let go of him. His mouth opened for a scream and his beautiful face contorted with terror. I watched him fall and scream my name. I watched him until he disappeared below the darkness of the cliff. I watched him while crying my heart out for a love lost. I watched my heart die.
Why did love always have to be so complicated? Why did it have to be so crazy? Why did it have to be this painful? Why did I fall in love with someone who was incapable of loving another soul? Why did I have to love him, if he could only love himself? Why did I have to fall in love, if I would just be in pain? Why couldn’t fate and destiny just let me be happy?
Why?
Why did I love him?
Why did I kill him?
If loving meant that I had to be selfish, then, so be it. If I couldn’t have him, then no one else would. Even if it’s his self...
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A/N: Royal Rumble 2 Round 4 entry. Fan Fiction Challenge.
