There are a lot of times when we wonder about, what if -
If I were a better person, how different would things have been?
Had she not led the life she led, would she have been happier?
If she got to live the life she deserved, then my existence would have probably been non existent.
And that is fine with me.
As long as she got to live the life of no worries, being rich, meeting a nice man.. just.. being happy.
I would gladly give up on feeling the warmth of my mothers hands, if it meant turning back the time and her having a bright future.
Her embrace is my life,
her breath- my essence.
Her tear is my sorrow,
and her eyes are my spirit.
As a child of such galaxy, may I be granted permission to feel anger and anguish for her destiny?
After all, I am her continuation.
Is it not only natural for the branches to extend, grow and evolve?
I know only of a little piece of puzzle, called my mothers life.
That piece carries such heaviness, I can not help but wonder how it held on, and ow it still stands strong.
That piece is so wounded, I wonder how it is able to breathe.
That piece.. is filled with so much pain
I can only imagine what the rest of the big complicated puzzle looks like.. just how it feels.
No.. how it felt, and how she lived from the start, to this very day, and this moment. As I am writing this, mums head is filled with worries, her heart scared, her blood pained.
Is it not harsh?
Is it not cruel?
Your life being worth thousands of talents.
You being a highly aware mind.
You, having been able to stand tall with earthly weight pressing into your shoulder (even if you are short ;( )
Only to be put down, stepped on, spat on, tortured, slapped, shamed.. for breathing alone.
Is it not cruel? I feel shame in saying I am of human origin like all of those people. I feel disgust for myself when I think that blood of such people runs through my body. I am made of such blood! I want to rip myself apart from all the anger and disgust I feel. Still. it is not only their blood I breathe through. I may be made from those DNAs, but it is my mothers core that created me, and it was her pure love that kept me alive every single time. As did her existence, tho she shall stay unaware that such truth exists.
Point is, I grieve life she could have lived, had things been any different, had she felt her mothers love as I did, had she not been forced and thrown like she has been.
What if
..
what if
..
what if
what if
WHAT IF
W H A T I F
What if she was destined to be happy,
and live with good memories.
After all this time passes,
I wish I could become an angel, and guard her with heavens blessings.
