A/n : don't cry...
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Bey's POV
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No one tells you how to mourn the love of your life.
They tell you it gets easier.
They tell you it takes time.
They tell you to keep going.
But they don't tell you how your chest caves in when you reach over and find nothing but cold sheets. They don't tell you how silence can be the loudest thing in the world when it used to be filled with their voice, their jokes, their smart ass comments.
They don't tell you what to do when the only person who could make you feel better is the one who's gone.
And she's gone.
Y/n died in some stupid ass fight. Some street shit that was always simmering beneath the surface. It was always waiting for a spark. And she gave it one.
Why didn't you let it go, baby?
Was it pride?
Was it not wanting to feel punked?
Was it needing to prove you was hard one last time?
She let that hood shit...that tough girl act...take her from me.
Now what am I supposed to do?
—
(Flashback)
Summer, 2003
_
"Bae, you really wore heels to a cookout?" Y/n grinned at me across the folding table, licking BBQ sauce from her fingers.
I rolled my eyes and sipped from my Solo cup. "You invited me last minute. What did you expect me to wear? A jersey?"
"Nah." She smiled. "I just expected you to look good, and you do. But you coulda came comfortable 'cause now ima have to figure out how I'ma carry you to the car once yo feet give out."
I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine, baby."
—
(Present)
Hamptons, New York
December 2012
_
I stood in the kitchen, eyes burning as Blue babbled to herself in the high chair. She was chewing on her little teether toy, looking at me with eyes that were so Y/n. Same damn eyes. Same grin, too, especially when she's sleepy.
I dropped my head into my hands and let myself cry. Real tears. Ugly ones.
My mama walked in quietly, the way only she could. "You okay, baby?"
"No." I whispered. "I'm not."
She came around the island and hugged me tight. "I know it's hard. But Beyoncé, it will get easier."
"Of course there will be days that are worse than others and there will be days where it hurts to even look at Blue. But baby, you gotta keep living."
I wiped my nose. "I just can't believe she didn't even know I was pregnant, Mama. I didn't even get to tell her."
She rubbed my back, and we both cried together.
"I know, baby."
—
(Flashback)
Spring, 2009– Our Condo, 11:47PM
_
"What do you mean 'you know'?" Y/n's voice cut through the silence, sharp and caught somewhere between irritated and cornered.
I stood in the doorway of our bedroom, arms folded, heart pounding like I hadn't already read every word of those messages.
"I saw the texts." I said quietly. Calm, but firm. I didn't want to cry. Not yet. "You left your phone in the bathroom again. I wasn't looking for anything. But it lit up. And I saw it."
She dragged her hands down her face and let out a dry laugh, turning towards the window. "Yo, here you go with this shit, man."
"Don't do that." I warned. "Don't spin it like I'm tripping."
