Couldn't End It

Chapter 1: Dirty Little Secret

It wasn't cause I'm not brave enough it was just because I was going through a rough time. For those of you who don't know my story well. Welcome! Warning! There may be explicit continent.

As I was saying, I gone through so much bullshit. Too much for a teenager to experience. I barely had friends. But I know I'm not alone. Meet my 2 friends, razor and bandages. They have been there since day one.

I may sound like another suicide story but I wasn't strong enough! This is me telling my mistakes. I say every word not even thinking of who will read my story. No one! No one except that bloody razor.

***

I woke up this morning with no alarm. Pretty shocked myself. Most people would be shy and nervous for the first day of school but not me. With my life I have been use to moving school meeting the same people over and over! I been to 4 schools, my mom says it's because I was stupid and they gave up on me. When I was little I would always believe her and cry to myself. Growing up, I learned it was just her breaking me since I ruined her life. I woke up to fresh smell of cigars. You have pancakes I have an ash tray to clean. I tighten up the house a bit, knowing when I get home it will still become dirty.

"Bye lady!" I said to my so called 'mom' I didn't call her it cause you earn it and I'm guessing you know she's not the best mother. "Make sure you choose a great baby daddy, let it at lease be a sugar daddy! You stupid slut!" She replied it with a whisper toward the end. My mother had me at her freshman year, but she just choose a random guy, well that random guy ended up being a business owner and leaving my mom to struggle herself. I never meet my father but I despised him!

He left me before I was born. He didn't even come back once. Everyday I wonder if he has ever thought of me. Every night I pretend that he thought of me at lease once that day but I know I'm making up fantasies. Once I dared to ask my mom about it. BIG MISTAKE! I got the most heart breaking response ever:

"why the hell are you worrying about a man who never cared for you! Just know he's living his life with his business because he actually managed to get rid of you! But I suffered because of that choice,you stupid bitch! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! And if you want to know more about him your more than welcome to leave this dam house and find him. The door will always be open when you leave and it will be locked when you want to come back"

Those words will always haunt me. I never ever asked about that man again. I arrived to school. I knew some people already and they waved at me, but I didn't wave back. I knew most of them where fake, plus I didn't want to get pregnant like my mom so I thought it would be best to just distant myself from anyone,guy or girl!

Since I was a new kid we were ordered to go to the lunch room so we could all know where we are meant to go. There where a couple teachers walking by and asking for our ID to know where we belong. "Hello do you know where you belong" this teacher created. She seemed sweet and I needed help so I nodded no "okay may I see your ID?" I handed her my ID. She chuckled "well Ms.Ramirez, you might be quite now but I know you'll be very talkative toward the end of the year." I slightly nodded in agreement knowing it wont be true. "Anyways your room is 159"

I walked away already knowing what room I'm in. I slowly start to look through out the walls to see if I could find room 159. I finally found the room I open the door walking in. All eyes where on me. I hated that! I couldn't handle the attention on no mater how big or small was it. "You must be miss. Ramirez?" I nodded politely "Well than take a seat where you'll like, I'm Ms. Canella" the teacher seems nice as well but that all changes. I took a sit in the back to help me distant my self.

"Who the hell wears a Baggie sweater in the first day?"

"Who the hell would die her hair that color?"

"Her hair is so dead like she doesn't shower"

"Ohh god you can tell she's a loner"

"What's up with the makeup? Is she a hooker?"

"does she even talk?"

I heard a little laughter after another. Little did they know how my life really is. I wear the sweater to hide my dirty secrets. I color my hair an aqua color because it's so far the most positive thing in my life. My hair is dead because I color it to much and barely have enough money from my mom to treat it with care. I look like a loner but really I got lots of blades/ razor friends. My mother's a hooker so she only lets me do my makeup this way or else. Clearly I do talk just don't communicate well.

I didn't feel comfortable in the class where there are to many girls that go out and to much wanna-be's and all the guys where looking at the girls. Not there faces but what's under the waist.

Soon the bell rang. I tried to find my class and they weren't to far from each other and I could tell by the numbers. I walked into the second class and the same thing. About the same questions. All the attention was on me. I HATED it I didn't want it. It's as if they never seen such a depressed girl before. I had less and less people stare at me, they where already getting use to my face...well my style. I kept my head down, it was the best for everyone. I didn't seek attention. I made sure I didn't move an inch because an inch can cause attention and I didn't want that.

Through out the classes I notice some familiar faces already. There where people that I had for 3 classes already. And the worst part of it all was that there was I guy who keep staring at me.

And this keeps on for the whole first week...