Couldn't End It

Chapter 10: Stonger

We arrived to school a couple minutes late. Pattie parked infront of the school and wished us a great day. Justin got out of the car then helped me get out of the car. His family did seem very nice something I never would of had. Pattie drove away not caring that we got into the school safe. Just walked up the stairs and I stop. He notice before entering "well come on!" I rubbed my shoulders "Justin, I don't know, people are going to start rumors and-" he cuts me off "people will always start rumors and if they stop you and me just say where dating, simple." I swear I felt my pupils widen. Dating? As in boyfriend, girlfriend? Don't get me wrong I was happy but then again I was sad. I didn't want to get pregnant. If I said we where dating I know I would be the center of attention. "Dating?" I finally spoke up. He stares deep into me "aren't we? I mean the kiss....it couldn't just be any kiss. I felt more than that, didn't you?" I notice he was as confused as I was "honestly I did, but Justin, I don't like any sort of attention on me" he walks back down the stairs "Ulee I'm glad we feel the same way. I really do want to be your boyfriend. Do you want to be my girlfriend" I take a big gulp. I didn't know what to do. This was the first time someone actually offers to be my boyfriend. "Come on please, let's give it a try"

It took me a couple min to finally give him an answer "yes" I quietly whispered to him. A big smile quickly appears on his face. He stretch out his arm, waiting for me to grab it. I hesitated to grab it but I did. I don't like attention on me but I'm slowly starting to learn there's going to be things I don't like that will need to happen.

We walked into the school at first I was looking down until Justin came closer to me and gave me a chance to hide in his side chest. I didn't want to look at anyone. I heard people gasping but I didn't bother to see who it was. Even if I hid my fave people still know it's me, but I hid my face so I wouldn't see people looking at me. Justin slowly walked to class just so I didn't fall on my face or anything.

He pulled away quickly and told me to go up the stairs. I when up the stairs and meet the one person I was really trying to hide from, Taylor. She saw me and quickly open her mouth "did the freak end up being a freak in the bed Justin? Cause I heard you like that kinky shit. Oh! And did you enjoy 2 nights ago?" I felt my heart drop. Thought came to me. I didn't even wait for Justin response. I ran to the bathroom hopping he wouldn't catch me. He managed to grab my wrist but I pulled away not wanting to see him again. I rushed in the bathroom and got into the handicap stall. Immediately grabbed the razor from my sweater side pockets, tears coming down my face. This cut was different I didn't do it right away. I waited to cry it all out. Then I digged the razor deep deep inside, slowly crossing my wrist. All the thoughts started to disappear as the pain came to me.

I closed my eye just wishing I could sleep here and wake up to nothing. I wasn't strong enough last time but I can be this time.

"Ulee" I heard someone scream. I knew it was Justin, he was the only one who called me that. I didn't respond. I felt my eye grow heavier and heavier, they started to role backs a bit. Justin soon come to the stall.

"Ulee what did you do?!?" He was freaking out bad. He didn't know what to do or what was going on. "This time is different." I said before my eyes blacked out.

***

"Yule where are you sweetheart" I heard a sweet voice call. I turn to see my mom? "Mom?" I said to a figure standing. The figure gets closer to me. "Yes sweetheart, your father and I have been worried sick" father? I know my father was out of the picture "what are you talking about?" I quickly look at her. She looked 100% different. She had beautiful flawless hair not dead hair. She actually had decent make up and didn't smell like cigars all the time. "Honey me and your father have been waiting for you to finally do it. You where finally strong enough, we never been any more-" she was cut off

"Ulee wake up" wake up? It didn't feel like I was asleep. I felt something shaking me, slowly my mother started to fade into the dark. A light became bigger. Noooo I didn't want to go back. Noooo"noooo" my eye open slightly to see his figure. Justin was standing there waking me up. I took a minute to look at him then I look around. Where was I? I didn't recognize this place "where am I?" I asked hopping he knows the answer. "At the hospital" WHAT!!! No I could be here they will think I'm crazy. My head all of a sudden started to pound hard "ugh what happen?" I didn't remember much. "Well Taylor made a fake comment you ran off into the girls bathroom. I ran after you, and found you with a cut. You said "this time is different" . Your eyes where rolling back so I called for help coming back your eyes where closed and I got scared. We immediate called 911 and hope everything was okay, do you not remember?" Some flash backs came to be about that night. Justin graves my hand and I pulled away. "I remember now, especially that comment." I didn't even have the nerve to look at him. "Ulee that wasnt true 2 nights ago I was with you." I look up at him. "2 nights ago you left remember? Then you where late in school" his chocolate brown eyes stared deep into mine. "Ulee I left so my mom wouldn't get mad and I needed to clean up, to look fresh and not stink." I notice a tear falling of My cheek and Justin quickly wiped it away. "Wasn't strong enough" I quietly whispered, hopping he wouldn't hear me. "What was that? This isn't the first time you said that" before I open my mouth the doctor came in.

"ms Ramirez your awake! That cut was really deep, didn't you know what you where doing" I closed my eyes and shook my head no. I couldn't say yes, that would make it worst. "Well I don't believe that. There are plenty of cuts on your arm. And a couple faded on the other arm. I saw your cut and examined it. This time you have cut very deep almost to your vein. You do know if you cut a little more deeper you could of bleed to death" the doctor came closer to be to look at my wonds. "We will need to get you some medical help and a therapist. As if for now I have told this young man to take good care of you and take away any sharp things." This is why I didn't like to come to hospitals. The doctor walked away leaving Justin and I in the room alone. "Explain it to me" he demanded. "Explain what?" I was a bit confused. "What did you mean when you said I wasn't strong enough?" Every time I hear or say those word memories come back. "Justin it's such a dark thought," he grabs my hand, "Ulee we will get through it together but you have to explain it to me."

I take a deep breath. I wasn't ready to tell the story but I knew Justin would bother me about this all the time. "It was about a year ago" I take another breath. "She use to yell at me, but it wasn't as bad as now. She got mad for some random reason and approaches me" I started to sob a bit. "T-then she came barging into my room and started to hit me with this belt. This belt had some metal animals and it really hurt. I turned around to protect my self, but that didn't turn out very well. She keep hitting my back and I was screaming in pain. It was too much for a 14 year old to experience" me just saying it felt so real. I wasn't ready to tell the whole truth...well not until now. "that night I had a feeling she was going to get more worst and worst....and I wanted to save myself from that trouble. I had about 5 cuts on my wrist. since I was in pain my body was numbed so I tried to get a sharp knife, I-I grabbed it and slowly slit my risk the first one didn't hurt, neither did the second one..,,.once I when for that 3rd one I screamed" i close my eyes for a min and Justin kissed my forehead assuring me it will all be okay. "She came in rushing, and wondering why until she saw me on the floor and saw my wrist. Her face turned red and started screaming at me. She she said 'you think that was bad enough for you to try to harm yourself? Your life is going to be a living hell. I assure you that your wrist will be in blood every night. ' and so that did happen. Every night I would cry my self to sleep. Some days would be better than others but on a regular basis she would just make me live in hell." Tears came down my face and I started to sob, a whole lot. "That's what I meant by I wasn't strong enough to end it. Through this year I though I would be but I was never. Then yesterdays came and I though I was but I wasn't. It all hurt Justin, the pain helps me get through it all" he slowly hugs me. "Now I'm here to help you get through it all. Ulee I am here to protect you when ever you think that blade will help come cry to me. If you want you can hit my chest and release all the pain" he takes a deep breath "just know I'm here for you Ulee, and I always will be"