Couldn't End It

Chapter 11: Guts to leave

Justin's words made me feel safe. The doctors soon Came in and said I could leave if I wanted to. The doctor also told me that I have to attend therapy once a week. I was expecting much more but he thinks I was in good hands..meaning Justin.

Justin grabs and walked me outside. We walk outside to see a car there. "Hop In ulee" my eyes widen "you drive?!" I was so surprised. "Ulee im 17, junior year, we learn to drive sophomore year" I immediately face palmed myself causing Justin to grab my wrist before it made contact with my face. "Ulee from now on there will be no self harm, in any way. I am going to make sure every second your with me you will not harm yourself not even a flick on the arm."

There it is again. His confidence, it all made me sad. He had the strength I wanted. He was always an confident, and I was so broken. He was the muscle and I was the spaghetti. I was so jealous of how confident he was. I wanted it so bad but knowing me I would never use it. I was always so shy. I never really stand out, until this year. Before I would even change my body language and my style and everything just to blend in only this year we couldn't really afford it. I slowly turn my body towards the window, and it started to pour rain, I look at the rain on the windows and see the raindrops fall, Just like I was. It's as if the weather felt my pain, my struggle. I keep my eyes on two raindrops and see them falling. In my eyes there was a contest and the one I was rooting for lost, just like I did, only I lost at life.

"Ulee babe?" Justin said taking me out of my thoughts. I look at him then back at the window. "Did you even hear me?" He said quietly as I stare at the rain.

"you didn't say anything?"

"Well I did you just weren't listening?" I think he thought I was stupid or something.

"No actually I wasn't but I didn't hear you say anything, do you think I'm stupid or something?"

"Dam your good babe, I was just playing with you...how you do that" he said laughing very lightly.

"It's not funny Justin, I learned because of her. " I didn't make eye contact with him I was very mad at him.

"Come on Ulee don't be like that, I was just kidding."

"No, you should know how sensitive I am, I'm not a pillow you can just thrown around!" Still not making contact. I was still staring at the rain.

"Baby, I know that, but I was just having a bit of fun. Please forgive me I know your not a pillow"

"Stop the car" I had enough of him.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean stop the car now!" I was getting very irritated.

"Okay fine, what?" He stopped the car and I quickly undid my seat belt and open the door to leave, only to have my wrist pulled

"Stop Ulee-"

"If your fun included my pain then I'm done" i pulled away and slam the door and started to walk. I didn't know where I was heading but I walked. I couldn't hear any footsteps following because of the rain but I didn't care to look back. I didn't really know the city of Chicago well, just my community but I knew if I keeper walking I'll be as far as possible from him. I finally stop and sit on the bench. It was still raining hard so I was all soaked up. I wasn't waiting for the bus, I was just tired. For the first time in my life I walked away from everything.

I was sitting for a few minutes waving of every bus that came at the stop. I was just thinking, how on earth did I have no courage to leave her. The women who offered almost nothing. But I had the courage to leave Justin, the guy who offered almost everything? "Stupid" I said outloud. "UGH!!!" I scream in pain. I started to face palm when my wrist was caught. I knew who it was. And I'm pretty sure you do too

I turn to see him standing there Soaking wet. "I said as I'm with you I wont let you self harm" he said as he stood next to me on the bench. "By any chance did you see it all" he looks at me in the eye. "Baby, I followed you the whole way, from the moment you left I didn't leave. I left you alone to think."

"Thank you" I whispered

"Come on let's get out of This rain and get you somewhere more safe." We started walking toward the car and he put the seatbelt on for me. I looked out of the window still thinking.

I was so stupid to leave Justin. He actually cared "can I know what you're thinking Ulee?" He asked kindly. I take a look at him. "I was just thinking of how I could have left you and not her." A tear feel down my cheek. "Baby, don't leave me. Think of it like this; you Left your mother but, you didn't leave me, you just needed some air."

"Don't call her that" I whispered into the warm air

"Don't call her what?"

"Mom, she doesn't deserve the tittle." He grabs my hand and squeezes it. "I'm sorry baby"

The rest of the road was quite.the radio was off only leaving the sounds of the rain boom in the car.

***

We arrived at his house pretty fast. I got out of the car and started to walk towards the house. He open the door with the key and we walked in to see two angry parents. "We're have you too been?" They looked more angry than they where.

"Umm- ugh" Justin was struggling to find the right words but I decided to try and save the day.

"I blacked out in school and Justin panicked and took me to the hospital,"

"Oh my are you alright?" Pattie asked me.

"Yeah now the doctor wants me with him 1 a week just to make sure everything's okay" she nodded and let us slide. Justin and I walked upstairs to my room. "Who's taking a shower first?" He asked breaking the silence. "Uhh you can shower I only shower in the mornings" he nooded and walked in. There guess room had a TV and I was got on. I notice they had Netflix, I heard it before but I didn't really use. That lady barely got me food why would she get me netflix.

I clicked on the app and saw there where options on it. I saw there where pofiles I think. One read pattie, Jeremy, Justin and then Guest. I didn't know which one to pick other than guest. I saw started to discover the app and explore it. I click on this category that said recent. And I ended up finding something I didnt know existed. I hid my face under the covers. I heard the door open and I looked at Justin he was confused at first but then looked at the tv.

"Do you watch this?" I asked.

"No um that's actually my friend." He looked quite embarrassed.

"You let your friend watch porn?"

"It's not really porn, but no he watches it while I do my chores or something"

"Ohh but you don't watch it with him?"  He shakes his head and I sight in releaf.

"What kind of movie are you going to watch" he asked already changes into some batman pants. "I don't know" he took the control and started to look at the movies. I saw the tittle was scary movie. I wasnt really scared of movies easy but I still coddle with him.

"You know it's not really a scary movie, it's a comedy."

"That's stupid"

"It's fine baby I'll keep you safe."

"Thank you Justin" I said kissing him on the cheek

"For?"

"For making me feel safe when I'm with you."