Property of Krankzinnig Asylum for the Criminally Insane
Patient 2237- Session 4
Dr Mendoza
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Malicia is sat in her usual seat. The table is in the usual position, as is the camera. Unusually, she is wearing a straitjacket and there are two guards behind her.
The doctor enters from a door behind the guards. He nods to them, ignoring his patient, and sits at his usual spot behind the camera.
He does not speak.
Patient 2237 looks over her shoulder at the guards, and wriggles a little in her straitjacket.
Malicia: You know, I don't feel. . comfortable. . with these hulking brutes behind me. I don't think this is going to work out.
Dr Mendoza: Well if they aren't there, I'm uncomfortable, so you're going to have to deal with it.
Malicia gives the doctor a slow, critical look.
Malicia: Is that something else they taught you in shrink school?
Dr Mendoza: You killed one of my colleagues a few nights ago.
Malicia: And?
Dr Mendoza: That kind of answer is the reason you're in an asylum and not rotting in a high security prison camp like you deserve.
Malicia: Did you get my email?
Dr Mendoza: . . .yes
Malicia: I still think you'd benefit from some anger management.
Dr Mendoza: We need to talk about why you killed Troye Ferne.
Malicia: Her tongue flicks out from between her teeth. I wasn't intending to kill him.
Dr Mendoza: His voice is incredulous. What were you trying to do, give him a really tight hug around the neck?
Malicia: Oh, no, then I had decided to kill him. That was intentional. But. . . I just wanted to send my message to you.
Dr Mendoza: Why did you kill him then?
Malicia: She smiles slowly. I wanted to.
Dr Mendoza: ugh.
Malicia: You know, your. . . professionalism has been going downhill lately, Mendy. . . Especially since you stopped wearing your lovely white coat. Are you and Erica having problems, Mendy?
Dr Mendoza: DON'T CALL ME MENDY
Malicia: You know the other reason why I killed Mr Ferne?
Dr Mendoza: Through clenched teeth. No.
Malicia: He kind of. . .got under my skin.
Dr Mendoza: Really.
Malicia: She grins at him and leans forward, her head tilted. Maybe one day I'll get under your skin.
One of the guards behind her pulls her back into her seat.
Guard 1: Stay in your seat!
Malicia gives him a look of disgust.
Malicia: I don't know if I can continue in these conditions.
Dr Mendoza: One of my photos of Erica is missing. Did you take it?
Malicia: She looks innocent. Who, me? Never.
Dr Mendoza: Give it back. After a short pause. Please.
Malicia: Not until you start being nicer to me.
Dr Mendoza: Then no more dead bodies as messages. You can't do that.
Malicia: She huffs. Fine.
Dr Mendoza: Okay. Next session, we'll start again. There won't be any guards-
Malicia: And no straitjacket.
Dr Mendoza: Fine. No straitjacket. His voice drops back into the familiar, annoying psychiatrist tone. These sessions are about helping you. You have to accept that and co-operate. We- I'm- not trying to change you, just to make you better.
Malicia rolls her eyes.
The camera clicks off.
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A note from us
Hey, we're feeling a bit better after that whole venomous-autopsy-report thing, so we wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has left us a vote or a comment. We'll be sending a gift to your home address shortly.
Don't worry about it, it won't hurt. In fact, maybe it would be better if you just forgot we said anything. . . But please, leave us a vote or a comment below.
Maybe we'll spare you if you do. . .
Much.
----FUN FACT----------
Hotels in Krankzinnig have agreed on this universal rule sheet, which hangs in all reputable hotel rooms.
1. No screaming after 10.PM
2. Pets are not allowed. The only exceptions are- pet rocks, miniature unicorns and goats.
3. Please leave rooms tidy and as you found them.
4. Please do not conduct serious demonic magic in any of our bedrooms- there are communal rooms downstairs for that.
5. Room service is an extra, not included in your bill.
6. Room service has several extra arms and legs, which they are very sensitive about. Please do not mock them.
7. Any agonized wailing, external blood shrieking or loud laughter should be toned down by 11PM
8. Don't forget to try out the games room! No, seriously. DO NOT FORGET. The Druid Council will be very upset if you don't. . .
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YOU ARE READING
How To Be Insane
RandomThese are the records following the treatment of Patient 2237, known to the general public as 'Dr Psy'. This is a collection of video transcripts, psychiatrist's notes and various paperwork that might be of interest to you. Krankzinnig Asylum for...
