How To Be Insane

Emails are Never Innocent

To: P.Mendoza@gmail.com

From: P.Mendoza@gmail.com

Subject: An Innocent Email.

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I'm in your office again. 

I was going to write you a letter. It's more personal, don't you think? And I'm sure it's more polite than sending you an email from your own account. But while I was checking your email (you might want to get a more secure password, by the way. You never know what lunatics could access it) I thought I might as well make use of the service.

I've seen your exchange with Mr Ferne. I like him. I think I'll go and see him after this and let him know. He sleeps in his office, did you know that? His wife recently kicked him out and there's nowhere left for him to go. Such a shame.

Still, it means I can go pay him a visit, so it isn't all bad. 

It is a shame about the cameras. Still, it will make me sleep better to know that I'm safe, don't you think?

I'm sorry for distressing you.

You know, Erica is very pretty for someone who works with journalists. I mean, she has those attractive bulging muscles and firm cheekbones. I can see why you like her. Maybe sometime you could introduce us. I'm sure, as editor, she'd love to meet me. I mean, she's had to write quite a lot about my activities so it'd be nice to finally meet in the flesh.

She has nice flesh. 

I'm looking through your drawers. There's a small box here, with the name Rachael engraved in it. That's your sister, isn't it? I didn't know when I killed her, but I read the newspaper reports. There's something exhilarating about reading about yourself. 

Maybe one day I'll tell you exactly what I did to them. You know, your sister was very brave. Her husband was a coward, and you can't really blame the children for screaming and crying, but her husband was a coward. I didn't like him very much, but he gave me no choice. 

Yes, I think one day I will tell you what happened. How she begged to die for her children. How her husband betrayed her. How she watched. How she cried and pleaded for me to leave them alone. How I didn't. 

Yes, one day, you will know everything. 

But not today. 

Today, I have to go and visit Mr Ferne. Send him a nice thank you message for putting up security around my cell. Maybe I'll send you a nice message too for that black eye you gave me after our last therapy session.  You know, for a therapist, you have real anger issues. Have you considered anger management? There's no shame in it, don't be shy. 

In fact, I'm going to go and give Mr Ferne the message I would really like to give you. You are the reason I am sending you this message. Remember that. That's the bit of this whole email I want you to remember, okay? Although, you'll probably receive the message before this email so it's a little redundant. 

Hugs and kisses

Malicia

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The following is a sample from the autopsy report of Troye Ferne

External Examination

The autopsy is begun at 9:00 A.M. on May 15th. The body is presented in a black body bag. The deceased is wearing an open flannel shirt and sweatpants. Jewelry includes one gold hoop earring on the right ear, 1cm in diameter. Deceased has a tattoo sleeve on his right arm. 

The body is that of a normally developed white male, slightly overweight. Cause of death appears to be strangulation from the deep marks around the victim's neck. His hands are still handcuffed and appear to have been secured above him. Marks around the ankles suggest the victim was tied on his back, spread out. 

There are words carved into the victim's chest. They appear to have been cut deeply and packed with soot or ash. They read:

Are you a coward too?

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A note from us

Hi. We work hard to bring you these records. No, seriously, we do. I mean, they bite. . . If you want to help us find a cure for the venom of unfriendly autopsy reports (and please hurry, some of us are not in a good state) then please show your appreciation by leaving us a vote or a comment. 

Also, if you know a doctor, could you maybe ask them what it means when your vomit is purple and you haven't eaten anything purple? That would really help us out :)

-----FUN FACT----------

Bloodhounds are very dangerous dogs. They're strong, they will feed off of human blood if hungry and their howl will pierce a human eardrum if heard in close enough proximity. 

With further consideration, they are probably not a good family pet, but like, we were in the pet store the other day. And they are sooooooooooo cute with those little beady red demonic eyes and permanently damp, shaggy fur that we couldn't resist. So, there's a bloodhound waiting for you when you get home. . .

Please, enjoy your gift and DON'T EVER TAKE THE MUZZLE OFF. EVER.

You'll regret it. . .

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