The following is a column by Anita Skinflint, the owner of Skinflint Novelties and acclaimed columnist for the Krankzinnig Daily Journal.
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Dr Psy.
Say those two words and watch people's faces go pale. They go tight, tight with a shared pain and misery that she wrought upon our town. We have all known someone, all been affected by the monster named Dr Psy.
I have been affected.
And yet, we are all standing by as she is not punished. She is in Krankzinnig Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Some argue that we must help her. Heal her. I'm skeptical that anyone as sick and insane as Dr Psy can be healed.
And should she be healed?
Is that what she deserves, Krankzinnig? Is that what you want to happen to the deranged villain who destroyed so much of our lives? She should be punished properly, according to our laws and judged fully by the Druid Council.
Instead, we feed her with our tax money, shelter her, pay for her therapy.
Therapy which is not working. Leaked videos are springing up all over town and they do not paint a pretty picture. Not only is Dr Psy making no progress, she is emotionally manipulating her doctor and skipping about the asylum after hours. It will not be long before she runs that place from the inside.
I call to you, citizens of Krankzinnig. Stop this madness and hold a proper trial for Dr Psy. Let us watch her burn for the crimes she has committed, let us have our final revenge on the terror that destroyed our peace.
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The following is an angry letter to Ms Skinflint regarding her article.
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Ms Skinflint.
I disagree with your stance that Dr Psy should be held to a full trial. She is ill, and it is time we addressed that. Until we can heal her, there is no proof that her actions were those of the woman or the disease.
She cannot be held accountable.
Yes, she has hurt many people, but I will not forsake an ill woman just because her sickness has made her act this way.
Besides, when we do heal her, there will be a lot of guilt and horror for her to bear for the rest of her life. Is that not a more suitable punishment? Make her feel the way we felt?
Also, if you have any information on who leaked those videos, it would be great if you told us. It's really worrying.
Dr Mendoza
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To: EricaWinters@gmail.com
From: P.Mendoza@gmail.com
Subject: Darling. . .
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Umm, darling, you know that columnist, Anita Skinflint? Well her latest was about Dr Psy. And I know, I know, you don't have all the power, even as the editor, but well.
It's very important that Dr Psy receives as little press attention as possible, which you know, and I don't want to point fingers. But you are the editor, so it would mean a lot if you could, I don't know, pull some strings?
Just make sure that there's no more coverage of Dr Psy's recovery.
Also, don't watch the leaked videos. Please.
Patrick xxxxxxxxxx
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To: P.Mendoza@gmail.com
From: EricaWinters@gmail.com
Subject: Leaked videos?
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Okay. First, I tried to stop that column. I really did.
What's in the leaked videos that you don't want me to see? Are you telling me I can't watch it because I'm a delicate little lady who can't handle the violence or something?
Jerk.
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To: EricaWinters@gmail.com
From: P.Mendoza@gmail.com
Subject: Of course not!
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Erica, no I didn't mean that! You are the toughest person I know. I mean, you work with journalists for crying out loud.
It's just that the videos don't show me in the, uh, best light. Sometimes. It's very difficult trying to work with her.
I don't want you to think I'm a bad doctor.
Patrick xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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To: P.Mendoza@gmail.com
From: EricaWinters@gmail.com
Subject: Hehe
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Oh please! I've seen you crying, swearing and vomiting about patients before. Remember that time when it was all three at once? And hey, I'm still here. Even though it was gross. Like, super mega gross.
I'm going to watch them. Don't try and stop me or I'll deck you.
Erica
P.S. Love you, I guess xx
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A note from us
Who are we? A few of you regular readers have been asking and we just wanted to tell you that that is classified information. For now, at least. I mean, we will tell you at some point. Just. . . not now.
Anyway, if you enjoy reading then please leave us a vote or a comment to let us know how you feel about it.
Do you know what fear tastes like? (It's coconut, if you were wondering)
----FUN FACT------------
Most people in Krankzinnig don't have access to the internet- and by extension, YouTube. Therefore, the leaked videos have been showing in cinemas alongside classics such as Funny Stupid Cats and Minecraft Trolling Episode 56.
As the Druid Council have investments in the cinema business, it is mandatory for all citizens to go to the cinema at least twice a week. Unless you want to know what your intestines taste like, we'd suggest following their rules. It's usually best.
Also we are NOT the Druid Council. What on Earth could give you that preposterous idea? The Druid Council are immortal cloaked beings who float two inches above the ground at all times and we're just. . . us.
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YOU ARE READING
How To Be Insane
SonstigesThese are the records following the treatment of Patient 2237, known to the general public as 'Dr Psy'. This is a collection of video transcripts, psychiatrist's notes and various paperwork that might be of interest to you. Krankzinnig Asylum for...
