relapse (kickthestickz and phan)

Chapter 16

Hey! So, great news. My mom is out of the hospital! Now that I have more time, I will update more. I don't have a set schedule, but I'm thinking an update every couple days. But sometimes, I may update for several days in a row. So look forward to that!

Dan's pov-

It was 5 am, and I couldn't sleep. The guilt was getting to me. How could I do that? I mean, I'm sure Phil would understand if I just made a few cuts, because he understands that it's an addiction. But my arms were covered in red lines, and I liked it. I liked seeing myself bleeding, getting the pain I deserve.

Fuck up.

Chris's pov-

I had been thinking about him all day. That beautiful man, pj. I have to get this out. I sat on my bed and pulled down my jeans and-
(I do not write sexual content so enjoy this amazing piece of literature you are about to read.)

I WRAPPED ME FINGIES ROUND ME DINGY AND FLINGY ME THINGY

THE FLINGY OF THE DINGY FELT GUD

PJ'S FACE WAS IN MY MIND

I LOV PEEJ

MMM THE CREAM IS ABOUT TO COME OUT OF THE LONG-JOHN DONUT

AHH THE CREAM FILLING IT IS RELEASED AHH

MY DINGY IS LOWERING NEHH

IT IS NOT A TOWER ANYMORE. I AM SAD THAT I DID NOT GET TO SEE PJ'S DINGY AS WELL.

(I hope you enjoyed my amazing writing)

I felt better after I got off, but there was still a pain in my chest whenever I thought of Pj. Which was a lot.

I just want to kiss him, to press my lips against his. But even if he is gay, bi, or anything else, he still wouldn't go for me. He's a crystal and I'm just a block of cement. He's a flower and I'm just the dirt below him. He's everything and I'm nothing. He doesn't want me, I'd just hurt him. I guess I'm just traumatized from the first and last relationship I was in.

I remember their smile, how they lit up my entire life with it.

I remember how much I regret leaving that night.
How much suffering they went through.

How I could've saved them.

"Chris, just forget it."

"But I can't let something like this go!"

"He doesn't want us together. You know what he will do if this keeps going on!"

"Your dad can't stop love, Mack!"

"He can do whatever he wants. That's the problem, Chris. He has complete control over me, and you have to get out of it."

"We could just run away!"

"No."

"Why not?"

"He would find us."

I remember that night so well, I remember every last detail.
I remember how loud their dad's footsteps were when he ran up the stairs.

"Oh god... He's coming up"

"We can just go out the window!"

"Chris! He will catch us!"

"Not if we go fast enough."

"He's a police officer, and were just 17 year olds. He will."

I remember the look of hopelessness in Mack's eyes when their dad broke down the door to their room.

"What are you doing up here? And why is he here?"

"Dad, he's just getting something."

"Bullshit, you were probably having sex! I will not have my son having sex with another man!"

"I'M NOT JUST YOUR SON."

"What? WHAT?!"

"Dad... I-I'm not just a boy. I'm also a girl."

"That's not real."

"It is, and it's called bigender."

I remember how his fist slammed into Mack's face. The blood that came from their nose.

I remember how I ran. I ran so fast, I was out of that house in seconds. I couldn't sleep that night, but Mack sure did.

Mack fell right to sleep.

Only their dad kept on beating. And beating. And beating. Kicking. Punching. Kicking. Punching.

Until Mack fell asleep for good.

And never woke up.

Dan's pov-
Time skip to morning-

I woke up with pain shooting through my whole body. Man, I really shouldn't have did that. All it caused was guilt and pain.

I guess I deserve it.

I began to feel hungry, so I got up. I put on a hoodie and some sweat pants to make sure none of my fresh scars were visible. They weren't.

Phil was up, which was slightly surprising because it was only 7:38 am.

"Hey Dan, you're up early."

"Oh hey, phil. Yeah, I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep."

Silence.

Phil was slowly eating a granola bar, and it made me even more hungry. I got myself a bar as well as a yogurt.

I sat myself down onto the couch next to phil and ate my meal.

"Hey Dan, can I see your wrist?"

Oh shit.

How does he know?

Oh god.

My sleeve must've came up slightly when I was eating! How could I be this careless?

"Dan, roll up your sleeve."

I stared at him for a while, wearing a hurt expression.

After a minute of stating he pulled up my sleeve forcefully, revealing the new cuts.

"Dan..." I could see tears in his eyes.

Great job, you made your boyfriend cry.

"Dan... You... You have to stop, please!"

Oh phil, you just don't understand. You don't understand that it's an addiction. I'd like to stop, I really would. It's just, once you get into it, it's hard to get out. God, phil. I love you so so much. I would never do this to hurt you, and that's why I need to stop. But you need to understand that I have to take this at my own pace. Phil, i love you.

"Okay, Phil. For you."

He spent the rest of the morning cleaning my cuts so they wouldn't get infected.

What a cutie.

I'm lucky to have him.

-

Hnng Dan pls

I love reading you guys comments, and I'd love it if you commented more! It really makes my day a lot better when I see a nice or funny comment...

Anyways,

L8r losers!

-korbyn nicole