relapse (kickthestickz and phan)

chapter 12

phils pov-

I had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor, with a glass of water spilled on the on the tile next to me. I must've blacked out, as I can't remember anything. Last thing I knew was I was walking around the apartment. then bam, I wake up with the light shining on my face, heating my cold body.

I checked my phone. it was 8 am.

My stomach was growling, but I wasn't going to eat. I couldn't eat.

the almost constant hunger is something I just got used to over the years.

nothing big there.

Suddenly I felt the urge to vomit, but I knew that it wouldn't help me. I was just hungry.

stop letting it get to your head phil, you'll be fine.

fine.

fine.

I wonder what that feels like.

Dan's pov

I still sat in the hospital bed, awaiting Phil's return.
I hadn't got much sleep that night, or the ones before that. my eyes were starting to get dark circles under them, I was hideous.

God dan, you can't even sleep right! you're not human Dan. you're just a f*ck up.

I stood up and got out of my bed, making my way to the bathroom.

what are you doing now, Danny? you gonna hurt yourself?

I felt the urge again, the urge to rip open my skin and watch the blood come out in ribbons, slowly fading away.

the only problem is I didn't know how I could achieve this.

I didn't want to die,

I just wanted to feel.

I wanted to feel something other that pure sadness, even if it meant I had to tear open my wrist.

walking up to the mirror, I had expected to hear another negative comment from the voice. but I heard nothing.

nothing but dead silence.

until a tall dark figure emerged from behind me, it looked familiar... almost like the...

the man from my dreams.

the visual representation of my depression.

him.

"well Daniel, it's been a while since we saw each other. I believe we haven't met in person since... high school?"

his voice was dark, and deeper than the lowest depths of the ocean.

but something about it was vaguely familiar.

it sounded like a distorted version of my own voice, almost like he was the dark side of me in the form of a person.

"Danny, come on. we both know what you're gonna go, so do it!"

then he slammed his fist into the mirror, breaking it into thousands of pieces.

I looked down at my hands, there was glass stuck in it and blood coming out of the wounds.
this is when I realized, the man wasn't real.

"see Dan, you did this. you don't know your own strength, you're a monster."

monster.

"I-I'm a monster..."

I picked up one of the glass shards.