relapse (kickthestickz and phan)

Chapter 1

Dan's pov-

I was sat on the sofa, scrolling through my Twitter feed. I had just uploaded a new video to YouTube, and I wanted to see how the fans liked it. Of course there were the usual comments like 'great video!' and 'I laughed so hard' but a few different tweets caught my eye.

'that video sucked Dan.'

'I waited three weeks for
THIS?'

and possibly the worst of all,

'f*cking f*ggot can't even make a video right.'

I hated being called f*ggot.

(a/n I don't normally cuss so I'm censoring it)

That was, in my opinion,  the worst insult you could call someone.

I didn't know how to feel. I tried my best on the video, i was just tired and didn't edit it well. I mean, I got the video out on time!
What more did they want?

A wave of emotion overcame me and I decided to walk over to the kitchen. Maybe I could just eat my feelings.
Yeah, sounds solid.

"man, there's nothing to eat" I mumbled to myself. "I hope Phil gets back from the store soon." I added.

while Isearched the cabinets more, something shiny and silver caught my eye.

a knife.

"no..." I mumbled to himself. "never again."

nobody knew this about me, no one at all, but I used to be depressed. I even self harmed. I got myself out of it eventually, but never told anyone. I was constantly terrified that I would relapse.

Maybe that day has finally come.

I tossed the knife between my hands and pondered to myself. "well maybe...just this once." I decided aloud.

I walked over to the sink and took a deep breath.

"only once."

dragging knife against my wrist, deep red blood came out in streams.
I started to cry. I didn't want to be like this, i promised myself I would never go back.
I promised I would never relapse. My worst fear was becoming reality.

"f*cking failure, I can't even keep a promise for myself." I muttered as he got up to clean the mess of blood on the counter, tears beginning to form in my dark brown eyes.

I soon finished up, and went to my room to change into something with long sleeves.

pulling the shirt over my head and the sleeve over my wrist, I said to myself,

"there. now nobody has to know."

a few minutes later, Phil returned from the store, carrying multiple bags of groceries. Good thing I stopped, or I would've been caught.

"a little help, Dan?"

I got up to help him put up the food. as I got up however, I began to feel a familiar burning sensation on my wrist.

I'll take care of that later.

until then, I was determined to be happy for Phil. Phil was the one who unknowingly got me out of my depression in the first place, so he deserves to be happy. Phil deserves so much more then me. He deserves the world.

even if that means keeping my emotions bottled up for a while. I can get through this, right?

right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n
so this is my first fic... I don't know if it will be any good but so far it's been interesting to write?
anyways, thanks for reading.

-Korbyn Nicole